Friday, May 29, 2009

heyho....

im at work right now...

starting shift at 9 so decide to bring this laptop for a walk..

i dont know why, but theres just lots of memories here and there almost everywhere...

anywhere i go, there must be a memory there....

alright... for example...

im sitting here where all the journey begins..

yeah.. its at the airport...

when im at redhill for training, the mrt is the stop where she waited before..

when i step for a smoke outsode at my work, theres where she use to sit beside me either smoke with me or wait for me....

when im at work, shes most of the time there sitted, using her laptop, waiting for me to finish....

theres just way too much memories...

see.... anywhere i go, there just simply a memory there....

even when im at home.....

people told me, raj, take it easy....

raj forget bout it...

raj relax..

raj this...

raj that.....

hey.. if you're in my position right now, where you love that person very much even she did things she promise not to do no more, then you'll know....

yeah i know some off you people been thru what im in right now and i understand..... thanks for the courage of helping..

appriciate it loads peeeps...

while i was sitting alone smoking just now, i come to think...

does she really mean her words??

does she really love me when shes with me or just cheating with my feelings??

i dont want to say just like who... but the she knows who....

she brought up the topic that 'her friend' did this to me..

but why is she herself doing the same thing to me????

(whoah the irony......)

i dont know whether she still bother to check my blog...

cos if she do, she always tag but now, no...

ann and mizan coming over here later to get freebies...

hahahahaha......

will be busy working after this till tomorrow morning....

how i wish, she will come over maybe later to keep an eye on me or maybe she misses me(wont happen i guess) or anything....

to be frank, yeah i misses & i love her still just like before..

(if not, i wouldn't be wasting my time blogging bout her)

i dont know if she still does...

or maybe she found someone else...

IF you're reading this, prove to me wrong that you didn't do all that i mentioned above..... meet me up, or call me up or text me or anything...

if you still care bout me that is...

if you dont, hah.. i understand....

i cut some slack for this week cos i undrstand you're busy with assignment and all.... busy with other things i may not know....

only god knows......

alright....

got to start working....

Siraj Kasturi [7:58 PM]

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Mungkiri Janji
pertama kali nya kita mula bertentang mata,
ku seakan sedang melihat seorang bidadari
yang sempurna.. bagai turun dari langit kebumi,
terus terpaku dan hanya mampu berdiam diri..
ketika itu semuanya nampak bergitu indah..
tak aku nafikan cinta sejati ku di usia remaja
tapi hanya masa..
tapi hanya masa dapat menentu segalanya..
kata-kata manis mu tidak seperti dulu..
membuat ku lesu, terlerai, layu dan membeku..
mungkin kah hati tidak dapat berfungsi lagi?
cukup dengan segala tipu helah yang kau beri..
tak mungkin kata mu boleh di percayai..
kerna kau pembelot, bertopeng bak bidadari..
baru lah ku ketahui...
siapakah diri sebenar mu selama ini, jyeah...
kau meninggal kan diri ku..
sepi memungkiri.. janji mu pada ku kasih...
akhirnya ku sendiri, airmata ku pun mengalir..
jatuh ke pipi dan terus ke bumi....
akhir nya.. baru lah kau memperkenal kan orang ketiga..
hati ku gugur dan tak berdaya untuk berkata..
jiwa ku lenguh, bak tubuh tak bernyawa..
segala pengorbanan ku akhirnya tk berbuah..
sehingga kini ku terus serik untuk bercinta..
bagi ku dia seorang wanita yang durjana..
adakah aku yang harus di persalah..
bagi ku, engkau la punca sebabnya...
selama.. bertemu dengan mu..
tidak sangka ini semua, terjadi seperti itu..
adakah ini balasan, yang engkau harus berikan,
hingga buat ku tergamam di dalam mimpi dan jaga ku....
kau meninggal kan diri ku..
sepi memungkiri.. janji mu pada ku kasih...
akhirnya ku sendiri, airmata ku pun mengalir..
jatuh ke pipi dan terus ke bumi....
"this song is for you bebeh.....
if you love me still, prove to me now and i shall remove all this...."

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Siraj Kasturi [7:29 PM]

heyho....
guess what....
its the 4th month of our anniv with Afifah Villarosa...
hmph... and its just like a joke...
she dont care...
not a single text nor call....
yeah shes online... pm her...
no replies.....
hmmmmmm.......
i kept thinking to myself, is her words empty???
and, i make a new discovery....
but im not assuming nor saying....
it just caught my eye.....
"EFF is MRS R.H"--->????
whoa...... thats quick.......
what happen to the timeout?? what happen to,"i'll wait for you no matter how long it takes.."
are those words empty????
up to you to decide.....
im posting somthing after this.....
read it and understand it peeps..........
and tomorrow is my Final Test Quiz for work...
because... im competing in CBTL Barista Olympic...
awkward?? hahaha... just trying my luck....
but let me just say this, i cant concentrate in upcoming competitions without you around BB....
orite......
Au Revoir

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Siraj Kasturi [7:17 PM]

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

night after night.... the same dream came to haunt.... its all about the same thing and the same person.... why is this happening?? what is the meaning to all this??
i 've not sleep well or easy say, have not sleep for 2 days just thinking bout all this... and when i sleep... it came again and again.... i thought.. it would give me a much comfortable night of sleep but no.... if you were to ask,"why didn't you sleep for the 2 days?" my answer would be i got lots of things think... when i say lots, it means alot.... for example, how to be mature....
yeah i admit.. i'm not mature.... im still in-mature like how some people think of me.... so yeah... i sat back with a friend on either night talking and changing my thoughts to a mature person....
no one is the judge.. not even myself but only this single particular person......
mature is a heavy word... it is all up to the person's perspective of thinking.... if they are matured, their way of thinking or actions must always be thought before they do anything or said anything...... if you were to ask me, do i meant what i said by saying,"i love you"? my answer is yes.... a thick yes.... whenever i said that word, i always think to myself whether or not i mean it, and yes.. i do mean it..... if i wont, i wouldn't have said it at all.....
i was given time to changed.... a promise was even made with the night being the witness.... "i will wait for you no matter how long it takes until you really change..".... as for my thought that night... do you meant what you said or just saying it to get away for sometime?? ok.. i don't wanna assume...... yeah.. only time will tell when you meet me to judge, have i changed well enough.....
i think this should be enough... i've kept lots of things in heart, and finally the time will come for me to say it all out....... take care... and i love you loads.... i miss you too........
p/s: feel free to blog here to tell me whatever.....

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Siraj Kasturi [2:11 PM]

Monday, May 25, 2009

heyho....
just came back this mornin at 9....
lets start from the beginning where ive been...
Sunday
in the afternoon, just cant stay home cos deres just too much things going on in my mind..
headed out to workplace to chill, check schedule....
tot of blogging dere cos brought lappy along but batt died..
so just walk around and meet my colleague..
imran called me asking to me lepak at the usual with usual mates...
so went dere bout 9pm??
once reached dere, just dont have that sort of mood...
just sit back, and chill.... laugh when the start to go crazy.. as usual....
still, those things in my mind is still dere....
until its like 12, everybody start to go except fer me, ann, im, mizan, alwee, my colleague..
when theres little people, all this shits on my mind start to take controll...
out of a sudden, i brokedown.... i dont know y, tears start to roll....
took my ciggies n my phone, went to sit alone somewhere....
bfore that.. my phone was first playing "shes gone".. then its changes to "mungkiri janji"..
that song have lots of meaning bhind it...
will put it on me blog soon ok....
ok.... i continously played that song and sat alone....
when im and ann came...
ann didnt know anythin..
the only people i trust on telling is Revolt*....
*(coming soon to know)
im told me to tell ann wat happen....
so i told im to walk away...
now i dare to admit that im weak when it comes to love...
i told ann everythin...
from what i see, what i heard, what i said...
A-Z....
for ur info... ann is my closest to the closest bro....
we undrstan each other wen we're in pain...
so yea... he was shocked and share the same feel of wat i felt...
ANGER...
until one part.... he cried telling me somthing....
which made me really shocked and really brokedown...
not to be mentioned to anyone out of us....
to summerise it all... yeah im mad....
so aft that.. its bout 2.30, we proceed to macd at tamp int since i wanna use my lappy..
theres just no power point... such a fuck up macd....
so... we proceed to a prata shop to have our feast...
our budget is on such a thin string.....
we walk here and dere....
so we took off frm macd bout 3 and reach the prata shop bout 3.30 or 3.45...
had our meal and slack dere.....
wenever i walk, i totally ferget bout everything...
wen i sit dwn n kept quite, thts wen all probs start to come....
took off frm the place bout 5.15am and walk to ann's place to slack...
reach dere bout 6.15am....
slack at hes place till 9 and went home....
problems after problem starts to come....
1.bout the major prob....
2. barista olympic is coming n lack or practice..
3. rock competition coming 2 weeks aft my olympic n nt tht prepared..
4. family.......
bath aft i reach hm wen mama call me to sit dwn and talk....
fine... i sat down...
all i could say, we really had a heart to heart talk....
we cried talking to each other bout the issues....
i told her everythin tht i had kept in my heart fer so long....
we took turn to talk...
i talk first n she listen while crying...
than... vice-versa......
and finally....
mama admit that since i dare to talk to her in that manner, she said im mature enough...
mature enough to look aft myself, and start to realise, now im much more maturer....
ok... flashback to the time im telling ann the story,
he told me... fuck everythin...
ur such a damn mature guy that can still handle this thing eventhough its hard on u...
i wont wanna admit anything...
thats wat i was told by the 2 person i really cared n realise me for who i am...
now... theres only a third person to realise.....
hmmph....
trust me, im gonna make u really shock when the time comes...
idk.... mayb 280509 aft 6.......
the place is yet to decide......
just wait cos i gt a huge surprise coming up specially for u....
i think till here is enough....
its been a long post n im getting ready to go ann's place...
my colleague is dere....
so yea..... working later....... got to rest cos need to train alot later.....
au revoir.......

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Siraj Kasturi [10:11 AM]







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