it's my life

Friday, April 27, 2007

harloo.... haiz.... im so fuck up...
dis time im really so fuck up no denyin it....

i noe i hav done somthin relly bad twards her... its hard for to forgiv me dis time...
i really regret doin it... only certain people dat i trust noe wat hav i done..
hiaz... i really hope she forgiv me... i really love her seh..

ouh baby if ur readin dis, pls forgiv me.. i really regret doin all dat to u... plz....
i noe its all my fault who make u cry n all dat.. jus plz forgiv me baby...
i really love u seh... i noe, to u, if i love u, y must i do all dat rite... i seriously didn noe wat had
gt into me... i cant control myself... u sndri nmpk pe... klau i bole control, nmpk
sgt i da stop.. but i really cant control.... pls forgiv me uh u.....

now i noe u hav been having things wit aidil... i jus wish reen noe
bout all dis... haiz....

i cant continue... take care...

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

Siraj Kasturi [4:56 PM]

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

harloo... mornin... guess wat?? im at hm again... mls nk g skool... wen
i woke up, my head was damn heavy... haiyooo...

skr tgh siap2 nk g bdok int jap... need to buy yogurt... daddy ask me to buy those to eat so i hav a better health... fuck... hahaha... im crazy... but on second thought, im sad too.....

i dunno y but hidayah always hav her reason to aviod me.. i dunno y... i hav been wonderin ever since we broke up till now, wat was my mistake till it lead to dis misery... it all happen like all of a sudden.. tau2 je dier tkde mood wit me den lpas tu mntk break... until now, she hav nt hav da mood to talk to me... isnt it like crap like
dat... in case u guys been wonderin, yea it hurt me BAD!! i was loving her den dis happen... y must dis always happen... y wen i start to get serious bout dat person, dat person leave me... ape sala aku!!! ibu told me, mayb shes hurt after i told her dat i ask mel a ques bout patchin up... tkkn la smpi skr dier nk kene terbwk2 kn... i noe to me its jus a ques but to her its like an atomic bomb... but im jus askin baby... i told u dat bcos i noe dat i dun wan to hide anythin frm u... u guys shud noe wat i mean rite... in a rship, honesty is da best policy so y mus i hide it frm her.... now i dunno wats goin on... y must dis happen... haiz...

i jus stop here... i post again ltr if i hav da mood.... take care....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

Siraj Kasturi [10:58 AM]

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

harloo2... i cant sleep.. jus took my medication... i jus finish editin da second piece of my collage... it made me wan to cry jus by lookin at it...

cmon la, i really love her sey... i really cant forget bout her... im suppose to receive her call by nw but den, shes asleep... so i carry on my daily routine by msgin her at nite... ibu felt pity for me but den i dunno wat to say.. she hav help me alot... in case u guys were wonderin who is ibu, she is hidayah's mum.. i noe its kind of weird for me to be in contact wit her, but shes da onli person i can rely on.. but den i gt my limits on wat to tell n wat not to tell...

kla.. i need to smoke... den i shall try to sleep.... take care guys... take gd care of ya'll health n ur rship..... tag me bout da pic at da bottom k...

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

dis is da second piece of collage dat i jus made.. da theme is "Look Away"

Siraj Kasturi [11:59 PM]

harloo2... go evening... n u noe wat??? my head is killing me!!!
argh!!! pening semcm sak... go doc jus nw n was told to hav tension headache...
too much thinkin nyer psl...

wat hav i been tinkin?? haiz... i guess i tink too much bout hidayah.. i wan to forget bout her but i simply cant... to be honest, seriously, i dreamt of her everynite... no matter if its bout my family or wat so eva.. her face wud appear... n da way she treat me is jus fine.... jus like da old her... i really miss da old her.... she was completely diff now... she was so calm, loving n sincere in da past.. but now, she's rowdy, rebelious n rough.... my hidayah, where r u....

i help people to settle in their rship.. like shereen n aidil... aidil hav been msgin n stuffs wit hidayah dat shereen didn noe... i felt sorry for her till i told her everythin... she was damn hurt till she cried...
to dsturb in someone else rship but cmon... so, since im da fire starter in all dis, i end it by talkin settling da prob... everybody was hurt... hid n aidil deceide nt to contact wit each other at dat point of time.. nw i dunno.. bt i oready talk things out wit dil on da pone ystrdae n apologise to him... shereen was cool today.. but den i noe deep dwn in her, she was hurt.. i help to settle between da two grls... n i guess they r ok with everythin... but da thing i wonder, r they ok with me?? im da one who starts it all... guy, if ur readin dis, do forgive me... i had to do wat i had to do... i had somthin in mind to tell to hidayah on our one year but we jus did not make it.. so in replace, i told reen to tell aidil dis.. n i wish aidil wud feel da same way too....

dis is wat i said, " promise to each other, now we r one yr wit each other... i wan us to be sincere wit each other frm now on... no hiding things frm each other n all.... if we both gt probs, we shall talk to each other n settle it properly.. if u wan to msg2 ngn ur fren especially grls, do tell me bfore org lain smpi kn kt i or i get to noe myself...."

it hurt me writing this to reen cos this is wat i wan hidayah to noe.. but instead... no... haiz... to aidil.. shereen really wan u to noe dis.. take gd care of her aight... n happy advance one year annivesary to each other frm me...

i guess i jus stop here cos my headache is coming up... i cant tink too much... haiz... well take care guys... take good care of ur health n ur rship.......

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

Siraj Kasturi [5:37 PM]

mornin2... haiyoo... im sick seh... had fever jus nw, but skr enta temp da turon...
skr cume batok2 jek... selseme pon da hilang...

goin poly ltr... terpakse kene mintk m.c klau tk tkle amek exam... nari i gt social studies exam.. tk blaja seh.. mlz n tk kuase... deres jus to many things goin n in my mind rite nw... its hard for me to think n study...

i wonder, wats with grls n pen knife... y do they love to do stupid things n den put da blame on guys sayin tat its their mistake dat they do all dat... y must it always be da guys fault i wonder... haiz.... nvm.. wateva it is, i love her always...

kla.. i wan to bath uh... take care n take good care of ya'll health.. haha...

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

Siraj Kasturi [10:05 AM]

Friday, April 20, 2007

harloo2.. im so bored n still hurt...
deres jus no one to turn to.... i love her very much n always turn to her for everythin...
y must dis always happen between us??

todays fine.. but so bored uh... no mood to go out.. feelin tired...
my psp is frm her.. i borrowed her cos i noe shes doin her art n need music... i tot shes stayin at school straight but den she went hm.. i dunno where she wen aft dat cos she wan to do her art.. she say she goin back to schl.. i dunno whether or not to blive.. i do care for her but my psp is with her.. i dun wan any other people to touch it except herself... i jus hope its in good condition...

even though we're off, y mus she still be secretive with me... she dun wan me to talk to her, bother her n all dat... haiz... hope my plans to go out with her will be a success 2moro.. i wan to make it as a final outin between us since she dun wan me to talk or even bother her again... jus hoppin dere will nt be any attitude between us.. i jus really love her.... argh!!!!

okok... i wan to smoke.. dats da only thing dat can cool me dwn... aft dat i wan to sleep.. den hopefully to wake up on time cos need to go to cik mah house to fixed her comp... guy n gals, if ur comp ade sort2 ke pape ke, do inform me ok.. i shall try to help as much as i can.. im an i.t whizz.. dun be shy as im a sort off computer geek.. haha... okok... do take care guy `n' gals... take care of ur love one....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

Siraj Kasturi [4:25 PM]

Thursday, April 19, 2007

harloo2....
haiz.. to be honest.. im in a no mood situation... rite now....
im so fuck up... haiz... da grl dat i love dump me again... haiz...

y must dis always happen in mylife... what wrong did i do...
i noe la midyear nk dkt but dat mus nt be da reason pe... i dunno if she is cheatin on me or wat but seriously... im feelin so depressed... jus y!!!! ouh god... plz forgive me for wat i hav sin but u cant take wat i really love away from me... i love her!! y mus da decision be so sudden... y must it always does... jus y!!!

ouh hidayah.. if ur readin dis... i really love u with all my heart... i noe i hav been a such a bad guy for hurtin u many times but this shud nt be da decision u hav to me.. i noe u need some space.. y cant u jus tell me... im willing to give it to u... y cant u tell me eye to eye dat u wan to break so i noe hw much im hurt n hw much ur hurt... plz forgive me... i shall keep my promise to u dat i will study hard n strive high for all my exams... but i jus neet u by my side... i cant leave wtout u... ibu even feel sorry for me but all da decision lies in ur hands... she cant help u with it...
i got no one to rely on from nw on as ur gone... no one to talk to everynite, no one to share my probs.. jus no one... ur da only one whose dere for me... but y mus u leave me...

i cant stop fuckin cryin writin dis blog... i sorry to u guys who read my blog for me bein so emo... dis is da only place i cant let all my feelins out... i guess till here... i cant continue... haiz....
for those who r attach, all i can say is that take good care of ur relationship.. dun abuse it... well.. jus take care u guys....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

here is a photo dat i create jus now wen im feelin bored n hurt....

Siraj Kasturi [9:59 PM]

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

haiz... im so fuck up sak... she choose to leave me... she dun wan me to msg
or talk or easy to say, bother her again... what am i suppose to do... ouh god....

"di malam ini, ku merinduimu..
ku tidak tahu mengapakah begini..
ku pohon maaf atas kesalahanku.. didalam perhubungan kita...

tapi malangnya nasib diriku..
terluka berkali kali oleh insan yang ku sayangi di dalam diriku....
mengapakah bergini perhubungan kita, maafkn aku jikalau ku bersalah..

oh dayah, dikau yang ku cinta,
ku tahu kau menyayangi diriku,
di dalam perhubungan kita.. janganla kau tgl kn ku..."

dis is somthin dat i wrote... got help frm huda skit...
take care.....

~=BoY_BaDdY=~

Siraj Kasturi [12:52 AM]

Monday, April 2, 2007

harloo harloo korang2 sume... lame aku tk blog... haiz...
my life is turnin upside down rite noe n its hurtin me... i dun wan it to affect my life...

okok... i dunno wat goin on rite now... im losing da person i love again... i noe its all my fault but cant u juz giv me a final chance n i shall really make up for it.. cant u??
i noe its hard but im rally making up for everythin all now... plz giv me a chance baby... plz...
im fuckin cryin rite now aft listenin a song by her called "gallery"... it really reminds me of her very much... i really love her ok...

"baby, if ur gone, who am i to turn to?? i hav no one else bsides u.. who am i goin to love rather then u?? who can i fight wih all da time n bein joyful at da same time wtout u aroun with me by my side... plz forgive me baby for all i have sin... plz dun leave me again... i really beg u plz.... i raelly love u.. deres no one to love me n take care of me wen ur gone... im nt turnin to someone else bsides u... ur my one n only angel... plz do forgive me... im really sorry... plz accept me back as urs... plz baby plz.... lots of love, SIRAJ...."

~=BoY_BaDdY=~

Siraj Kasturi [4:16 PM]