it's my life

Thursday, March 27, 2008

lets start the pouring of heart...

with the story of a broken heart...

how do i keep myself shut...

to prevent from us from breaking apart..

i don't know what's going on between us now...
its like as if we are not together......
she had been avoiding me and all...
kept lying to me....
how sad and sorrow i felt, im sure she don't realise it...
she had been busy with "her stuff"...
for example, messaging "god-knows-who", not contacting me, spending time with my mates,
avoiding me and lots more which only god knows....
i have been encouraging myself to be stong....

like what Syakirin said to me just now,"
just take care of yourself. tkmao psl ni kao mcm tkde mood ke, studies terjejas all ok? when there's love there's hope. just hope for the best to come ok. tkmo think what's gonna happen."
~thanks for the encouraging words......

i had been thinking and still continue thinking....
who am i to her? what does she wants from me? does she still love me?
this three question had been playing on my mind....
if you ask me, of course i love her although she hurt me ample number of times...
but still, im holding on....
maybe, this is the punishment i get of my past....
is this karma?
i don't know.......

went jamming just now...
mercenarian was there to jam too....
how sad and shock i am just now can't be imagine....
i told her to go jamming with me...
and yea, she lie to me again....
she told me she want to buy somthing and will be coming later....
i trust her words....
to my shock, i got to know she's going with maan....
and no she didn't go to buy somthing... how sad can that be??
why must she kept on lying to me??
no words can discribe my feelings right now....
i don't fucking care bout the tears that is rolling down right now...
it just come to thought, why must she avoid me and still avoiding...
i was controlling my anger n sadness just now..
at the jamming studio, she stay in the room to watch Mercenarian jam...
when its Ignified Sins turn to jam, she didn't even enter our jamming room....
how sad can that be?
there are ques on mind that kept going on....
why is she jealous and mad when i msg my ex or an old friend,
while shes just enjoy msg her ex, afiq.....
i too have feelings.... why is my feelings not being cared for??
nvm..... im just keeping my cool....
she wants me to change.... and yeah i'm going to prove to her that im changing....
seriously... im feeling sad & down... and i really mean it...
talking to her on the phone right now....
and how glad i feel that she called me.....
i really miss talking to her at night....
i really miss her.... haiz......

open up a new song just now...
an original from Ignifies Sins....
i fergot the tittle....
hahahahahaha.............
going for rock climbing at ex primary school tomorrow as an instructor...
this is also to cover for my CIP hours....
feeling so excited!!!!!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!!!!!!

~=SirajKasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [11:16 PM]

Monday, March 24, 2008

Siraj Kasturi [12:30 AM]

do not have any mood today....

did not leave the house while family enjoy themselves..

i sat at home and kept on thinking...

why the fuck must i do that in the first place...

supposedly, following mercenarian jam...

but i thought of spending some quality time with family...

in the end, have no mood at all to enjoy....

i've done the most stupidest thing ever and left her being no mood to me....

i've msg a long lost friend of mine without telling her....

plus, a few weeks back when we had a major break down, i got no one to talk to...

so i contacted dayah to pour feelings out.. yet, i didn't inform her....

why the fuck am i so stupid???!!!!

she sent me 2 msges today... both were about the same.....

bt still i control....

how bout we not talk bout everything shall we....

im like laughing and smiling my ass off right now because of her.....

how great is that.... me and her are like sending each other emotion on msn...

hahahahahahaha...... kekek sak........

okok..... went to a gig yesterday....
was great.....

was not in the mood at first...

so yeah... i opened up the mosh pit....

it was fucking great!!!!

letting my anger off at anyone....

anwar was like the cameraman....

hahahahahaha.............

headbang till my neck is stiff so hav to paste patches....

went off with b at 7.15....

ltr that night, was shocked to receive a msg frm raden...

he said some metalkid had gt beaten up by a matrep till he was hospitalised....

fuck them matreps man!!!!

shitheads!!!!

uploading pics here aft this....

tag me of hws the editing....

first time editing man....

hahahahaha.............................................

ilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemon

~=SirajKasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [12:25 AM]

Saturday, March 22, 2008

the time is showing at 5 am...

can't sleep thinking what is goin to happen later.....

i'm confuse... seriously confuse.....

my mind starts to be in a mess....

don't know what to think off......

people are all speechless of what to say....
don't know how to help.... don't know what to do....
i don't really seek help but i seek advices....
how am i going to overcome all this in the end.....
i don't know what is on her mind....
i don't know whether or not she still love....
she gave me a comment at friendster saying,"ifdlya."
when i ask her.. she says she just press and has no meaning...
to me.. i came to figure out her message....
it stands for,"I Finally Don't Love You Anymore"..
its up to you guys to decide whether or not i'm right....

somthing happen just now....
i don't wish to right it up here...
i don't want to cause any un happiness...
but.. it just hurt me deeply....
yet, i controlled it all and act as if nothing happen....
it seems like she doesn't care bout me anymore....
i don't know...
she wants me still to change....
yet, nobody realise i've change.....
she told me she needs a time off...
yea i am giving her without hesitation....
for those of you who know me well, it is hard for me to change in a short bid of time....
its hard for me to give in... its hard for me to change....
but yet, all that happen in just a week....
i've change but no one realise it....
how great is that....
but nevermind... im still putting in more effort to change for the better.....

going to a gig later....
but i got a prob....
my immortal shirt is torn at the back!
how fucking great is that.....
i'm all fuck up don't know what to wear....
but nevermind... there is always a solution in every problem....

till here is enough.... want to rest.........

~=SirajKasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [5:00 AM]

Friday, March 21, 2008

i'm seriously being confuse right now???
what's happening??am i being prank??
just what's happening??

did not receive any text messages or miss call today...

she didn't even give me a single text.....

i tried messaging her but she did not reply.....

thing all happen so fast.....

i first time i called her, she was at home... i ask her out to chill but she refuse...

the second time i called her, she was out.....

she told me she's at the night market near by her house with her "adik".

i just kept my silence and think positively.....

after that i fall asleep....

when i woke up at 7.15pm or so, there's nothing received.....

i text her.. she didn't even reply....

i called her up.... this is when the whole issue starts.....

shes out.... she said she was waiting for her brother to take somthing...

at that point of time, there were voices in the background as if she was slacking with someone..

everytime i ask, she said she was alone and was waiting for her brother and start shouting at me.

i can't take the shit, so i hung up the phone....

i text her again, asking where she is seriously, she didn't reply yet again...

when i called her back again, i start giving all that harsh tone....

she was all attitude up.... asking why am i shouting and all...

i told her, the first time i called, she was shouting at me and all...

i ask her things, she replied in a "can't be bothered" tone...

how can i not be mad.....

the last thing she said,"da uh! diam uh!!" and she hung up....

i was so fucking hurt sak!!

its like what the fuck.....

next, i call maan...

this is when i felt like i've been prank or even being hurt....

as we were talking, there were tone of people in the background....

he said that he was slacking with his mates....

ok i did not suspect of anything.....

then we just hung of over a thing i just can't recalled...

suddenly.... i received a text from her....

"if u not happy, then break uh... whats wrong with u sia.." is what i received....

call maan back....

was crying by then......

then, somthing happens till i suspected somthing's fishy....

someone in the background was talking and his voice was like ANWAR'S voice....

i god damn know how was his voice like that why i suspected its him...

maan told that guy and name him "din"..

maan said.. "diam la din!"

the thing he replied which makes me suspect things,"my name is not din.. my name is ANdin.."

get the picture???

its like fucking obvious that they are slacking with each other....

lemon, maan, anwar and others only god know who...

i don't fucking care if they wanna slack....

all i care is her....

how can she not text me or called me eversince yesterday....

i've been waiting and being hurt...

she didn't even care.....

i've text her, she didn't even replied.....

haiz...........

baby...

its not that i'm not happy with you in any way...

i just don't.... but how come you must treat me this way...

what wrong did i do this time......

i didn't control you anymore...

i didn't do anything else....

and yet, this is all i receive??

is this my punishment????

b, why must all this happen...

do u really mean your words of wanna break up???

must we end our relationship just because of this....

why cant i get a chance to change???

i wanna change b....

cant think of anything else...

~=SirajKasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [8:23 PM]

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

as i was sitting at the busstop, i came to think about my mistake...

tears starts rolling down my cheeks of my mistakes....

the reason being is that i think i'm taking things overboard...

Ignified Sins were all mad at me about just now...

like how i talk to maan...

like how i shouted at maan....

its not that i'm not happy with him in anyway...

i just don't....

i was feeling down just now....

he doesn't talk to me that much besides talking to mon...

its not that i'm stopping then from whatever...

but.....................

b did not talk to me at all just....

am i a stranger in her view??

that's why i'm being ignored????

along the way, she only interact with the rest of the gang and not me...

just why is that so b? just why?

when i asked her why, all she can said is that she don;t know and shrugged her shoulders..

i was all hurt just now and she didn't even care.....

just who the hell am i in her view?? just who???

its not that i'm being jealous or anythin but.............

maan thought that i think he is going to take b away from me...

sorry bro... you're taking it into the wrong.....

i didn't even think of it in that way......

when i want to talk to him, he don't wanna entertain me...

he just said,"just forget it la ehk!"

as we were walking back, not even a single sentence was brought up to me....

how great is that???

when i was at the busstop, i took the courage to send him a message....

saying,"k uh bro.. first things first.. im not thinking like what u think that im thinking..

im not thinking that u going to take her away from me.. i have no intention of thinking

that bro.. i apologiseif im being silly in anyway ur thinking.. second thing.. im pissed off at

u because u told her that im melampau un treating her.. to me, why cant u tell me first

before telling her so atleast i know.. thats all and nothing else.. im not thinking in anyway

of ur thoughts bro.. i respect u as a bro of mine.. how can i think overboard right.. hope

u understand.. aku nak bobal ngan kau depan2, kau tknk.. so there nothing else except

for this message.. i seriously apologise if i offend u in anyway bro.. ur he only person im left

to talk to n nobody else.. for the last time, im sorry..."

its a long message i know... but this is all i'm left to say to him.....

he replied me saying to read his blog...

and yeah, i did....

what was stated at his blog, made me into tears...

he state about all the sacrifice he's made for me and mon......

i really appriciate it...... and yet i treat him like shit??!!

what the fuck am i thinking........ fuck..............

but one things for sure......

my respect for him is going to be there no matter what...

kasman highlighted to me, as i asked him, is he mad at me...

he said yeah of the way i shouted at maan just now...

he told me.. although he's been rude to him, but respect must be present...

he also told me that i control mon too much...

he gave me advices and all...

hell yeah i took his advice....

thanks alot bro for the advices......

next up... burnt.....

he also said to me just like how kasman said to me.....

and yeah... i too took his advices.....

thanks alot to you too bro for being there for me....

for pampering me on the phone not to cry and all.....

i have thought of calling yana to settle of what she hate of me....

but that thought fade a way......

soon as that happens, she called me up....

she said that she read my blog and she does not hate me in anyway...

its just that the way i treat b....

thanks for the advices from you too beb.....

i don't know whether or not you heard me in tears....

shall stop being emo for awhile and talk about serious shits....

Ignified Sins WILL be taking the stage at Mahligai Manis on 6 april....

can't reveal the songs here as you guys will get to know only during the gig....

the rest of the information will be informed tomorrow by Mr. Black....

shall stop blogging here for now.....

damn exhausted by jamming session just now....

heading for the bed soon.....

i guess till here.......

once again, thanks to those people who gave me support and all.... just thanks.....

only god can repay you guys........

~=SirajKasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [2:42 AM]

Sunday, March 16, 2008

twingkle-twingkle little star

how i wonder what you are

up above the world so high

like a diamond in the sky

twingkle-twingkle little star

how i wonder what you are....

as i smoke at night by the window...

somthing took my to look at the sky...

there were so many stars up in the sky....

each of them are so bright....

as i looked, i came to think about what's going on in life...

i came to think about baby...

i came to think about maan rosewood...

i came to think about my relationship...

i came to think about my mates....

i came to think about myself.....

theres just so much thing to think of...

i love baby very much.....

tonight, i want to pour everything out....

what people said...

what i said to her till i cried...

what people wants from her....

what people wants from me....

and i mean everything.....

its going to be one hell of a long post so be prepared...

ok lets start.....

as i were at fullerton one yesterday with family, i sat back, enjoyed the view and think..

why must all this things happen in the first place?

why is must heart stoned cold that i treat her this way?

whats the final prediction going to be?

i've been thinking about this 3 questions all the way ignoring my families conversation...

when i got back home, chatted with baby....

baby told me everything that people talked to her about....

the advices... the support... everything....

i came to highlight this point in a conversation of her with someone's best friend, Erlina...

i don't even know her BUT i respect the way she gave baby advice...

here's how the conversation goes...

I love yoy! says:

hey i read ur blog n uu r not over afiq i see..

aticcalemon♥ what i gotta say; istillloveyoubabyboy. says:

yeayeayea.haiz.

I love you boy! says:

well i say u move on n dun turn backi've been in ur shoes just recently a month agou know me a awel are no longer together rite

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

yea i know.

I love you boy! says:

and i found someone new...as for that awel is my 1st longest r/s and it's hard to forgetlike in ur situation i was confuse and keep on crying knowing which is the best way to deal

I love you boy! says:

and in the end i asked my mum for help and she say this ''move on..why go back to the past when it's over?eventhough u regret of ur doings u still HAVE to move on''

I love you boy! says:

and it really workit might take days to deal with the confusionbut just go on loving siraj and u can forget afiqdon't hurt the one you love like how u hurt ur past

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

thaanks for your advise

I love you boy! says:

yeaa i know siraj might be wondering who u will chose if u take my advise tts good and go msg him u've made up ur mind to go on with ur r/s

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

bt what about afiq ?

I love you boy! says:

he might be hurtbut it's ur lifeyou dun wan to hurt siraj will you?i may be a best friend to afiqbut i've been thru what u are now n im helping u to wake up

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

but the thing is, i don't know who i love

I love you boy! says:

if afiq didn't come to the picture obviously u r happy with siraj kan?tol tak?

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

i dont know, i'm not sure.Just the same.

I love you boy! says:

u mean u n siraj fite alot?

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

no uh.before that, we okei ah.Only that i've been keeping things away from him.like ..i keep it inside me what i dont like about what he did.and it bothers me alot,

I love you boy! says:

ouh i guess u have to kick tt habit of keeping it to urselfit might worry him and making him thinking differentlytell u wadHeed my advice and change urself so ur r/s will be betteryou seeall this happen is because it's a test to see how strong u two are able to fight it through together

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

yeayea.

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

but i dont want afiq to be hurt you see.i've promised him, i'll change for him.

I love you boy! says:

but does it mean change for him when u two are in love once more?

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

huh ?

I love you boy! says:

nvmwad do he mean 'change for him'

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

i mean.he said if i still love him, prove to him la.by changing.

I love you boy! says:

oh so because of that u are confuse?

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

yeayea.

I love you boy! says:

haha u take it wronglyokae okaeit's ur choiceafiq says that because he doesn't like ur new youi mean the piercing and stuff like thatall i know is he dun like ur piercing

hope you guys get the picture......

its not because Erlina supports me is why i respect the conversation...

i just like how the way she give baby advice....

ok moving on.......

then as we chat at night, i tend to ask her this question,"why does yana hates me so much b?"

and this is wat she replied....

"She don't like how you treat me ,
you didnt respect me ,

you dont seem to appreciate what've been given ,

and immature..."

i respect what yana said to her.....

to me, i've been shot by a bazooka with those saying...

only certain people understands what i meant my "i've been shot by a bazooka"

BUT, i got a way to answer all that.....

i cried typing this to baby....

i cried reading it to maan rosewood...

till maan don't know what to say back....

all he left to say is," bagos la tu Siraj... kau dah sedar kesalahan kau...

sekarang hanya keputusan Mon aje.... aku harap kau betul-betul sedar kesalahan kau

dan berubah......"

ok this is what i replied her........

"thats what i'm tryin to do right now b...change myself.....

lots of people and i mean LOTS of people had been fucking me up side down

the way i treat you....

now, i'm trying to change myself for the better.... the reason being is that i love you...

and also.. i don't want people to hate me over the reason....

if you realise right now, i'm giving you space... in other words.. i'm respecting you....

if i don't appreciate what had been given,i would have thrown and spoil

the zippo lighter you've given me...

and yeah.. i realise i'm being immature all the way in out relationship...

being violent and all....

but now, i promise myself and maan and all my members...

i'm goin to respect u the way you are... a girl.. a princess of mine....

i'm changing b.. i'm trying my best to change....

no more the guy who used to hurt you physically....

i'm doing all this for our well being... i want to have a much stable

relationship with you now....

the reason being is that i love you very much... and i don't want you to suffer being with me....

i want you to be happy... like i said... from now on... i will treat you like a princess....

i will not hurt you in any physical way or anything else....

i love you my princess, aticcalemon......."

i really mean what i said to her.....

i'm goin to prove to her, maan, my members and all of you who is reading

my blog that i'm goin to change...

i don't want her to suffer being with me.....

i really love her....

the reason i love her is why i want to change for the better....

okok.... that's all happen yesterday........

as for today...

shits happen too.....

BUT, i don't want to highlight it here....

cause, i don't want to be the firestarter in anyway.....

just finished talking to b for awhile just now...

we put down the phone as i don't know why.....

but one thing, i'm damn shocked to get to know what maan told b recently....

BUT i respect his saying and yeah, prove to him that i can changed...

he said,"aku kesian tengok macam mane Siraj layan kau semua dulu..."

blablabla.... i forgot what else he said honestly... thats the only thing i can remember

and thinking off right now....

i will be thinking of what people said and never going to stop thinking until this issue is done...

school's starting tomorrow....

i'm so not prepared.....

suppose to go for jamming session tomorrow...

but our lead guitarist , Kasman Putra, is sick

due to a fever...

(take care bro... get well soon...)

so jamming is cancelled...

but then, meeting b after school....

she maybe accompanying me to buy my NEW pair of drumstick...

if she can't accompany me then i just go alone....

just can't wait to get a grip of my new drumstick man....

i love lemon.. i love lemon.. i love lemon.......

~=SirajKasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [11:24 PM]

Saturday, March 15, 2008

i'm missing her like fuck....
i don't know what is her feelings towards me....
i'm myself is feeling confused....
i don't know what i'm going to do after she made her decision....

shes missing her someone....
i've met her someone before and even talked to him face to face...
i felt awkward talking to him....
in front of me, that someone and herself act as if nothings happening...
behind me.. only god knows....
i can't accuse of any reason cause i don't want to be the fire starter...
i love her so as that someone....
she have been posting about someone here and there...
she had been stating in her blog about someone had been giving her advises..
i don't want to compare myself with that someone...
i know that someone is much better then me... but i don't wanna talk about it to her....
i don't want her to be hurt because of me....
i don't want because of me i broke up with her...
i have been controlling my language when talking to her...
for the first time, i'm using my brain.....
i told her that whatever she wanna know that is in myheart and on my mind will be posted here..
i want to keep myself shut for the time being...
no more mr naggy...
the reason i love her is why i'm doing all this....
i don't want to hurt her in any way...
i've hurt her umple number of times from physical to mental...
i love her very much.....
and i don't wish to lose her....
if she chooses to be with someone, then go ahead...
it will be much better for her cause she get what she wants....
and they will be much happier......
i don't want her to be with me for the sake of making me happy and with force...
i want her to choose n be with me with all her heart and not because she feel pity towards me..
how i wish all this things will not happen....
although i hurt her, deep inside me, i love her with all my heart....
tears starts rolling down my cheeks....
not tears of joy but tears of sorrow....
now, only time is upon us... time for her to choose which one is right for her....
i'm giving her all the time she needs in the world....
i know behind me they have been contacting each other or even meeting each other...
of course i feel hurt....
but like i said... i shall just kept my silence till everythings over...
rosewood have been telling me to stay strong... prove to her i love her and win her heart back...
thanks for the support bro... i really appriciate it...
you have been really sacrificing alot for us bro...
thanks is all i can say... i don't know how to repay you man...
i love her very much man... i just love her very much.....

next month,
maybe my band, Ignified Sins, will be performing..
i don't know whether or not we are ready...
i myself am not ready so....
anwar have trigger out some unhappiness towards me...
i don't know whats it all about....
he told me to find out myself....
but yet, i don't know.....
to any of you who i had offend...
i really apologise...
i hav a problem of my own which i have to solve...
i hope you guys understand my situation....
lots of you have tried your best to help me...
i really thank you guys from the bottom of my heart....

rosewood had wrote a poem for me and b...
the ones in blue is for me while the ones in pink if for her....
i don't know about her but i had figure out his message...
you guys try to solve it as it is quite meaning full.....

Kau mengenangkan masa silam
Membawa kebahgian dalam percintaan
Bukan untuk kita
Tetapi untuk dirimu

Susah hendakku kata putus
Kerana dihati masa ada cinta
Janganlah cinta kita pupus
Kerana masalah yang lama

Aku merayu kepadamu
Janganlah kau pergi dariku
Hatiku masih mencintaimu
Berilah harapan kepadaku

Walaupun susah hendak ku percaya
Namun hatiku masih cinta juga
Suka duka akan kita tempuhi bersama
Hanya untuk cinta kita

Saat kita berpisah
Kau pegang erat tanganku
Sepertinya tak merelekan kepergianku
Tuk meninggalkanmu

Perpisahan kita disaksikan bulan
Dibawa cahaya yang menyedihkan
Menerimah hakikat dan dugaan
Sampaikan timbulnya perpisahan

Bukan aku tidak cinta padamu
Bukan aku tidak percaya dengamu
Tetapi hati tidak lagi menunggu
Melawankan cemburumu

Cinta bukan hanya dimata
Cinta hadir di dalam jiwa
Kau buta melihatnya
Akhirnya semua tegendala

Beribu kali kata sayang
Berjuta kali bermuka muram
Berkata cinta entah kemana
Hanya memberi kasih yang duka

Aku berikan kata yang benar
Kau hanya mengatakan salah
Apakah lagi hendak ku edar
Sehinggakan airmata tertumpa

Siraj Kasturi [2:54 AM]

Friday, March 14, 2008

heyho bitches and sluts....

if you have been checking out, i've been using full english and not shortcut..

got to perfect my english man...

my results already sucks... so got to work on it..

let start off with today... didn't do much..

had breakfast with mum and then proceed to the market then to aunt's house..

was shocked to see that my aunt's mum-in-law to be tight on to the wheelchair...

i was like in my heart,"ouh my god!" was really shocked man...

then after, went home and sleep....

i was not feeling well this few days...

mum said lack of sleep and i agree with her...

thon and slept late thinking bout me and her....

cried at night...

all those bad memories....

have not been having great times with her for this few days....

we had been quarelling and all that.....

thanks to the fire starter; ME...

had been crying too this few days... cried before jamming session that Tuesday...

cried at the chalet....

cried at home before sleep.... even, cried today and NOW...

i don't know wats goin to me.....

i am really fucked up.... i'm waiting calmly for her decision....

i don't want to trigger my anger at unecessary things....

i love her very much.... only god knows how much i love her...

this is the third time i fell in loved with someone deeply...

first would be Amalina(mel)...

second goes to Hidayah...

third.. and lastly... my baby Lemon i'm having currently.....

now shes confuse... don't know which to choose....

me or him...

i relying on my patience on awating her decesion....

if she chose me, i'm gladly to look after her with all my heart....

if she chose him, all the best i s all i can say...

as long as shes happy, i'm happy......

i've been saying that too many times... and without fail, i cried.... like now.....

i have no other to say.....

its all up to her right now..... i hope she will made a choice she would never regret.....

till here shall i blog...

mayb blog again later at night... i just cat take the pain...

take care bitches.............

i've sent her this message just now and it sure makes me cry typing it..
whatever i type is from the bottom of my heart to her....
she post it on her blog.. so i'm posting it on mine too....

"b... all i can say to you now is think about it wisely.. don't make da wrong decision that will make you regret..if you have to leave me, leave me then.... if you want to be with me, stick to me b... i am all prepared for the worst to come.... i just want you to be as happy as you can... and not because of me, you will be down... i want you to love me with all your heart and soul.....and not just partly.... i want you to be all mine... and not sharing it with someone else.... i am giving all the time you need b... i am willing to change myself for the better... for myself and even for you.... i don't want to impress other girls besides you b... your the only one i have left and i'm trying all the best i can to defend it from other people grab.... i love you b.. i love you......"

~=SirajKasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [5:45 PM]

Thursday, March 13, 2008

heyhey bitches.....

its a long long long time eversince i update my blog....

time to renew the whole shits....

updatin the layouts soon...

okok... i don't know where to start basiccaly...

ok let me start by saying.....

i have a new girl in life...

her name is Nur Atika bte Leman(Lemon)...

i love her very-very much...

i know she love me but not that fully......

she have probs to face with her friends and ex...

i tried my part to help but, she refuse to tell me shits...

she want me to change which would take time....

i don't even know what does she wants from me...

but still, i'm trying my best to get her point and change myself for the better...

she love me, but at the same time, she like her EX...

her ex still love her....

thats the point which makes me trigger my anger when they start contacting...

bottom line is, i love my lemon... im willing to sacrifice anythin for her sake...

now, i fear of losing her....

she don't like me to control her life...

but the question is, why must her friend and EX control her life....

what the fuck is this???!!!

but still never mind...

i shall just keep my silence till everything ends....

lets change the topic shall we.....

i'm dead tired after thonning at rosewood's family banglow...

thon with lemon, acap, imran n rosewood himself....

for the start we talked bout bands and more bands...

then as time moved to a later time, the topic change to a much grusome topic...

acap almost cried after seeing a "rocker" in the bunglow...

but it turned out to me rosewood cousin.... that bikini girl!!we had great time there....

my first time thonning beb.... so yeah, really enjoy the time....

hit the road at about 8 n reached home at 9 sharp...

was really swaying here and there....

can't sleep my parents had to meet my form teacher of my results.....

then head to centery square to have our lunch, and head home straight after....

straight to the bed for me and here i am just woke up.....

honestly, i'm feeling down right now.....

i don't know why must all this shits happen.....

why isit so hard for her to listen to me and much easier to listen to her friend n EX??

who the hell am i???

but still, like i said to her, i'm getting use to her new behaviour....

i'm still keeping my chill.....

don't want to execute my anger at no point....

i really really thank and respect my bro Maan Rosewood for chilling me and her...

he really really sacrifice his time for helping us to solve our problem....

i guess there's nothing else for me to blog....

maybe later or tomorrow....

ya'll shitheads take good care of yourself and your love ones aight.....

take care......

Heavy must stick together, OR others must die!!!!

ouh baby....

if you're reading this...

i want you to know that i love you very much...

i don't wish to lose you in any way to come.....

i want you to be mine and only mine....

i hope you realise how great the impact is of you on my life....

you have brought me up when i'm down.....

i don't know whats going to happen to me when you're not around baby....

i love you very much baby.....

hope you feel the same towards me....

don't care what people say baby... we just lead life our way...

don't listen to what people say bout us....

they are just ruining our life.... and want us to be off.... not making us much happy....

i hope you listen to your heart and not listening to what people say and what they want from you.....

think bout it baby... your just being their dog.......

just talk and share your problems with me k.... i shall try my best to help you....

furthermore, i'm your guy hunny.......

take care baby..... i love you very much......

mwahh mwahhh.....

~=Siraj Kasturi=~

Siraj Kasturi [10:48 PM]