world of boy baddy

i love you baby...

2010-06-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

natasya farah amalina... im really sorry.... i love you so much!!!!!

yoohooohooo

2010-05-23T10:23:00.002+08:00

morning morning morning!!!!!!

long time no post!!! wahahahahahahaha

main course!

this is for you babe!!

my new besties!!!

NAT-FAYRAH-HA!!!

sorry la i didnt blog yesterday...

was darn tired.. furthermore.. some is pissed with me last night..

hope this will cheer you up..

im so glad that we made it through..

talk things out and i made it happen just like you want me to..

you are the special one...

im really looking forward to your sweet side.. :D

but not to mention.. you are sweet.. hehehehehe...

side order!

today marks the last booking in!!!

sad yet happy...

we made through the whole of 6 month..

and now its time to be apart...

im sure tonight is gonna be one hell of a night!!

and tomorrow lets lose our voice.. P. O.P OHHH!!!

NO! NO! NO!

2010-04-18T16:20:00.002+08:00

no baby no!!! i don't wanna lose you!! no!!
please stay! please stay!! please stay!!!
i want you! i want you! i want you!!
i miss you! i miss you!! i miss you!!!
i love you! i love you! i love you!!

see.... i post baby!!! specially for you!!!

pemalas nak termampos.

2010-02-08T01:32:00.002+08:00

I hereby declare that I do not bother updating my blog. I am too busy with NS & despite the fact that I still use my computer when I'm at home, I still don't bother posting a 5min entry. & I do not want to let my girlfriend go, because I will cry a tsunami.

& if you're smart enough, you would know that I'm not Siraj, I am NFA & I'm saying this at his point of view.

Till then.

ily.

2009-12-18T02:00:00.006+08:00

2 dreadful weeks without your presence,
lacking of phone calls.
All we had were short conversations.

A thousand apologies if I were to ever made you sad,
cry & made you worry about me.
You know that i wouldn't do such things to you.
Just think of it as a test of your will.

I faithfully have abide to my vow.

17more hours till I can hold you in my arms.

Yours sincerely,
NFA.

ps: your past entries & drafts are an ultimate turn off.

my only one....

2009-12-08T03:25:00.002+08:00

this will be the last post for now...

i will not be able to touch the computer for a whole of 2 weeks until i get to get out from camp..

yes people.. im going in to ns this morning!!!!

in like less then 5hrs..

this post is all for you babe...

im so sorry to have to leave you for 2 weeks..

but i got to.. i have no other choice..

have to serve the country...

i am so sorry....

baby i love you so much.. im starting to miss you oready..

i hope you do towards me too...

you are my only one...

im gonna read that whole book that u gave me before i go to sleep in camp..

and write down every feelings i have in there..

this post will not do much talking of how much you really mean to me..

i will keep to my promise and hope you do too to yours...

baby your the best...

best i ever had...

here i go!!

screem my lungs out!!

try and get to you!!!

you are my only one!!!

i hope this will do baby...

i really got to go to bed...

need to wake up really early...

im so sorry baby...

i love you sayang...

mwah!!!!!!

ok she did nothing wrong....

2009-12-01T01:25:00.004+08:00

back to blogging....

had been commanded by darla to blog....

im just being so sceptic bout the previous post...

actually nothing happen of what she said...

somthing did happen but not things of what i thought it would be..

but too bad... were turn down!!!

hahahahaha!!!!

baby, i know you know public dont know ok...

ooooookkkkk!!!!! hoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

hahahaha........

i had such a fun time with darla today..

went to window shop at ION..

finally we complete the journey (to the netherworld) at ION together...

walk through the whole of the shopping center excepet for the last basement which is the food area... not a single thing we miss...

ok la... certain part is fun.. certain part is a bore...

im just so lazy to type such a long post...

btw, im performing with my band, Mercenarian, on the 5th of December..

its a farewell gig...

comedown if you could.. it only cost $5...

a $$$ cheaper than contraband ciggs...

to summerise it all....

I LOVE NATASYA FARAH AMALINA BABY DARLING SAYANG etc etc. SO MUCH!!!!!!!

i dont know why....

2009-11-29T01:03:00.002+08:00

i dont know why but just suddenly feel like blogging....

been feeling quite weird...

dont ask me why...

baby darla is at her wife a.k.a elly's crib..

sleeping over...

i thought that shes straight going to her place but no... yet another thing....

suddenly she send me a text saying shes flirting with the skater guys...

hmmm.... i dont know...

whats the benefit of revenge?

whats the definition of revenge?

that i wanna know.....

going to ns soon...

i just need more time.. more time to spend with wife...

i hope this coming week wont be a pack week for me..

i want to spend time with her before i leave..

i bet if she read this, she will just go," yeah right.. as if.."

hmmm.. i know i cheat on her before..

yes people.. i cheat on her... and things just not getting well?

i want her.. its just so hard for me to describe just how much she means to me...

yeah i love her... i love her so much till words just cant describe...

i love you baby darla....

nat fayrah

2009-11-23T00:19:00.002+08:00

harloo peeps... back from the lost galaxy to blog...

this post is dedicated to my one and only Natasya Farah Amalina..

nobody else is to be involve...

you are like the pearl of my eye..

you make me shine like no other...

sometimes when im with you i feel shy..

but you make me smile like no one bother..

baby darla, you make me feel so special even when we have our ups and downs..

you never fail to make me smile when im down...

i never fail to sense your care and concern towards me when some shit happen...

eventhough you hurt lucy bad, your still the one i love...

we keep on saying we want to make it happen.. that really is gonna happen if we want it to..

baby dear, i love you so much...

you make me have a sense of belonged...

you made me feel like no other...

i love you baby....

look, not a single word of negativity....

*shake shake lucy*

hope this is enough to make you smile...

i love you darling.......
i sayang you........

the first month......

2009-07-27T01:01:00.002+08:00

wassup peeps....
sorry for the long M.I.A
been so busy with work...

as you people know, i'm with Natasya Farah Amalina..
guess what, we've reach our first month on this very day... or can say, morning which is on the 27..
yeah i know, or we know that we are not the best couple.. but its up yours to think about us alright...
ive tried my best of accomplishing my mission but it still takes time to be accomplish...
ive yet to prove to people we are not to be label as the worst couple.....

this is the only thing that shall be updated.. till then...
stay tuned to Siraj's blog for more update.....

au reviour

the new life...

2009-06-18T15:03:00.008+08:00

its time to blog~!!!

alright....

lots of things happen on monday & tuesday..

let start with monday ayy...

MONDAY

have to attend work as usual... -_-"

have plans after that...
ok.. out of the box!!

you want me to blog and elaborate more on the date/outing thing..

here goes...

after work, met fyra.....

we went out just like we use to in the past...

firstly, went to penin to get me a new shirt which im craving for quite awhile!!

after that, went to plaza singapura to catch a movie...
i wanna watch "monster vs. aliens" but she dont want...

so she choose the movie....

trust me, its a good movie for us.. HAHA!!

we watch "drag me to hell" ~!!

its like a crazy shit movie i can say...

i didnt attend to shout but she made me!!!

how sick can that be!!

hahaha!!

but overall, its great uh!!!

after that head down to tamp and meet imran, reen and nat fer awhile

and went to her house to feed the cats...

straight after that, took 72 from tamp int to amk where she currently stay at...

head home after that....

as for TUESDAY..

went out with the band!! with nat along....had a whacky time la kan!!but too bad shareen had to go off early due to certain things...went to went pool when Fireblade came to join...after that, slack at SMU area....after people went off, left me, imran, nat and wan(my member) to thonn...had nothing to do so we went shisha-ing~!went back on first train....

CURRENTLY...

im so damn bored after all activities is done!!the competition want brought forward to 28 June.. -_-"so long!! but atleast got enough time to do some touch ups!

yeah my ben&jerry's with you! nvm you can eat it if you want... i miss you dang lots too!! haiz!!! i so wanna meet u up soon!!!

i miss you peeps......

2009-06-12T16:28:00.004+08:00

i out of words.....

i just dont know what my thoughts are right now...

the important things or people whom i really treasure went just like that...

for example, the picture above...

my ex-band, Ignified Sins (IGS).....

i admit, that is the most memorable yet enjoyable bunch of groups i treasured the most..... when im down, they are my pillar of hope...

but now, everybody decide to go on their own journey....

Hilmi, Burnt & Jebat - M.I.A

Kasman - Theobusion & Melancholy Downfall

Anwar - Theobusion & Chaos Infernos

Siraj - Revolt

handful of people came up to me asking me the same question..

"why close IGS??"

"when are you guys getting back together??"

"why waste the effort? open IGS back cause we will be there to support!"

i am lost at words when those questions were asked..

sometimes i feel embarrased....

i planned on opening IGS back but im sure it will not be the same...

Kasman & Anwar awaits my decision if i were to open it back...

seriously i miss the old time.....

i wish IGS will have the chance to have a proper final performance along side Mercenarian's old line up.....

on the other hand, talking about IGS, i miss this someone who supports me when im with the band... she has always been there without fail, headbanging front stage when we perform... shes everyone favorite girl.....

that girl should know herself who she is......

besides that, im missing alot of people right now.....

mainly, Ignified Sins, Fyra, Villarosa, and those 159 people who had been on a M.I.A...... now is not like the past where, without fail, someone will ring to slack at 159.... i just miss those times......

looking forward......

im jamming with Revolt soon after this...

got to prepare for the upcoming competition...

soon after that, will be going to CBTL..

having midnight shift......

i think, till here is enough....

till my next update......

au revoir

the missing is in the air......

2009-06-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

i dont know where to start.... everything seems to be revolving so fast here and there.... everything ended so fast too..... ok lets not repeat bout the past here.... let bygones be bygones....

i just cant put my mind straight of whats happening right now.. been busy here and there...
as for later... im representing my outlet, Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf (terminal 3 departure) for the Barista Olympic 2009.. the competition is located at CBTL's home base at redhill where i have been having my training(s) at... the event will commence at 9am whereas my slot is at 2pm.. but will be coming early to show support to fellow competitors.... so yeah... all the best to me ayy.... only Ridhwan gonna be there to support me and maybe Ashidah... but nevermind.. im cool.... the only thing is, i just cant simply put my mind on the game.... lots of thing is stuck on ma mind.....

anyway.... the month of June is pack with competition:

9 June 2009: Barista Olympic
10 June 2009: Barista Olympic
21 June 2009: Rock kapak competition
28 June 2009: Rock kapak competiton(final)

there you go..... back to back competitions..... Revolt is preparing for the upcoming 21 & 28.... dont care win or lose, as long as we have fun...

i guess i better take my nap... gotta wake up early tomorrow to go t3dn for last minute preparation...

happy 13 mths to you too kazrella....

au revoir

here without you.....

2009-05-29T19:58:00.002+08:00

heyho....

im at work right now...

starting shift at 9 so decide to bring this laptop for a walk..

i dont know why, but theres just lots of memories here and there almost everywhere...

anywhere i go, there must be a memory there....

alright... for example...

im sitting here where all the journey begins..

yeah.. its at the airport...

when im at redhill for training, the mrt is the stop where she waited before..

when i step for a smoke outsode at my work, theres where she use to sit beside me either smoke with me or wait for me....

when im at work, shes most of the time there sitted, using her laptop, waiting for me to finish....

theres just way too much memories...

see.... anywhere i go, there just simply a memory there....

even when im at home.....

people told me, raj, take it easy....

raj forget bout it...

raj relax..

raj this...

raj that.....

hey.. if you're in my position right now, where you love that person very much even she did things she promise not to do no more, then you'll know....

yeah i know some off you people been thru what im in right now and i understand..... thanks for the courage of helping..

appriciate it loads peeeps...

while i was sitting alone smoking just now, i come to think...

does she really mean her words??

does she really love me when shes with me or just cheating with my feelings??

i dont want to say just like who... but the she knows who....

she brought up the topic that 'her friend' did this to me..

but why is she herself doing the same thing to me????

(whoah the irony......)

i dont know whether she still bother to check my blog...

cos if she do, she always tag but now, no...

ann and mizan coming over here later to get freebies...

hahahahaha......

will be busy working after this till tomorrow morning....

how i wish, she will come over maybe later to keep an eye on me or maybe she misses me(wont happen i guess) or anything....

to be frank, yeah i misses & i love her still just like before..

(if not, i wouldn't be wasting my time blogging bout her)

i dont know if she still does...

or maybe she found someone else...

IF you're reading this, prove to me wrong that you didn't do all that i mentioned above..... meet me up, or call me up or text me or anything...

if you still care bout me that is...

if you dont, hah.. i understand....

i cut some slack for this week cos i undrstand you're busy with assignment and all.... busy with other things i may not know....

only god knows......

alright....

got to start working....

mungkiri janji

2009-05-28T19:29:00.004+08:00

Mungkiri Janji

pertama kali nya kita mula bertentang mata,

ku seakan sedang melihat seorang bidadari

yang sempurna.. bagai turun dari langit kebumi,

terus terpaku dan hanya mampu berdiam diri..

ketika itu semuanya nampak bergitu indah..

tak aku nafikan cinta sejati ku di usia remaja

tapi hanya masa..

tapi hanya masa dapat menentu segalanya..

kata-kata manis mu tidak seperti dulu..

membuat ku lesu, terlerai, layu dan membeku..

mungkin kah hati tidak dapat berfungsi lagi?

cukup dengan segala tipu helah yang kau beri..

tak mungkin kata mu boleh di percayai..

kerna kau pembelot, bertopeng bak bidadari..

baru lah ku ketahui...

siapakah diri sebenar mu selama ini, jyeah...

kau meninggal kan diri ku..

sepi memungkiri.. janji mu pada ku kasih...

akhirnya ku sendiri, airmata ku pun mengalir..

jatuh ke pipi dan terus ke bumi....

akhir nya.. baru lah kau memperkenal kan orang ketiga..

hati ku gugur dan tak berdaya untuk berkata..

jiwa ku lenguh, bak tubuh tak bernyawa..

segala pengorbanan ku akhirnya tk berbuah..

sehingga kini ku terus serik untuk bercinta..

bagi ku dia seorang wanita yang durjana..

adakah aku yang harus di persalah..

bagi ku, engkau la punca sebabnya...

selama.. bertemu dengan mu..

tidak sangka ini semua, terjadi seperti itu..

adakah ini balasan, yang engkau harus berikan,

hingga buat ku tergamam di dalam mimpi dan jaga ku....

kau meninggal kan diri ku..
sepi memungkiri.. janji mu pada ku kasih...
akhirnya ku sendiri, airmata ku pun mengalir..
jatuh ke pipi dan terus ke bumi....

"this song is for you bebeh.....

if you love me still, prove to me now and i shall remove all this...."

looks like you just dont care.....

2009-05-28T19:17:00.002+08:00

heyho....

guess what....

its the 4th month of our anniv with Afifah Villarosa...

hmph... and its just like a joke...

she dont care...

not a single text nor call....

yeah shes online... pm her...

no replies.....

hmmmmmm.......

i kept thinking to myself, is her words empty???

and, i make a new discovery....

but im not assuming nor saying....

it just caught my eye.....

"EFF is MRS R.H"--->????

whoa...... thats quick.......

what happen to the timeout?? what happen to,"i'll wait for you no matter how long it takes.."

are those words empty????

up to you to decide.....

im posting somthing after this.....

read it and understand it peeps..........

and tomorrow is my Final Test Quiz for work...

because... im competing in CBTL Barista Olympic...

awkward?? hahaha... just trying my luck....

but let me just say this, i cant concentrate in upcoming competitions without you around BB....

orite......

Au Revoir

miss you......

2009-05-26T14:11:00.005+08:00

night after night.... the same dream came to haunt.... its all about the same thing and the same person.... why is this happening?? what is the meaning to all this??

i 've not sleep well or easy say, have not sleep for 2 days just thinking bout all this... and when i sleep... it came again and again.... i thought.. it would give me a much comfortable night of sleep but no.... if you were to ask,"why didn't you sleep for the 2 days?" my answer would be i got lots of things think... when i say lots, it means alot.... for example, how to be mature....

yeah i admit.. i'm not mature.... im still in-mature like how some people think of me.... so yeah... i sat back with a friend on either night talking and changing my thoughts to a mature person....

no one is the judge.. not even myself but only this single particular person......

mature is a heavy word... it is all up to the person's perspective of thinking.... if they are matured, their way of thinking or actions must always be thought before they do anything or said anything...... if you were to ask me, do i meant what i said by saying,"i love you"? my answer is yes.... a thick yes.... whenever i said that word, i always think to myself whether or not i mean it, and yes.. i do mean it..... if i wont, i wouldn't have said it at all.....

i was given time to changed.... a promise was even made with the night being the witness.... "i will wait for you no matter how long it takes until you really change..".... as for my thought that night... do you meant what you said or just saying it to get away for sometime?? ok.. i don't wanna assume...... yeah.. only time will tell when you meet me to judge, have i changed well enough.....

i think this should be enough... i've kept lots of things in heart, and finally the time will come for me to say it all out....... take care... and i love you loads.... i miss you too........

p/s: feel free to blog here to tell me whatever.....

hmph.........

2009-05-25T10:11:00.002+08:00

heyho....

just came back this mornin at 9....

lets start from the beginning where ive been...

Sunday

in the afternoon, just cant stay home cos deres just too much things going on in my mind..

headed out to workplace to chill, check schedule....

tot of blogging dere cos brought lappy along but batt died..

so just walk around and meet my colleague..

imran called me asking to me lepak at the usual with usual mates...

so went dere bout 9pm??

once reached dere, just dont have that sort of mood...

just sit back, and chill.... laugh when the start to go crazy.. as usual....

still, those things in my mind is still dere....

until its like 12, everybody start to go except fer me, ann, im, mizan, alwee, my colleague..

when theres little people, all this shits on my mind start to take controll...

out of a sudden, i brokedown.... i dont know y, tears start to roll....

took my ciggies n my phone, went to sit alone somewhere....

bfore that.. my phone was first playing "shes gone".. then its changes to "mungkiri janji"..

that song have lots of meaning bhind it...

will put it on me blog soon ok....

ok.... i continously played that song and sat alone....

when im and ann came...

ann didnt know anythin..

the only people i trust on telling is Revolt*....

*(coming soon to know)

im told me to tell ann wat happen....

so i told im to walk away...

now i dare to admit that im weak when it comes to love...

i told ann everythin...

from what i see, what i heard, what i said...

A-Z....

for ur info... ann is my closest to the closest bro....

we undrstan each other wen we're in pain...

so yea... he was shocked and share the same feel of wat i felt...

ANGER...

until one part.... he cried telling me somthing....

which made me really shocked and really brokedown...

not to be mentioned to anyone out of us....

to summerise it all... yeah im mad....

so aft that.. its bout 2.30, we proceed to macd at tamp int since i wanna use my lappy..

theres just no power point... such a fuck up macd....

so... we proceed to a prata shop to have our feast...

our budget is on such a thin string.....

we walk here and dere....

so we took off frm macd bout 3 and reach the prata shop bout 3.30 or 3.45...

had our meal and slack dere.....

wenever i walk, i totally ferget bout everything...

wen i sit dwn n kept quite, thts wen all probs start to come....

took off frm the place bout 5.15am and walk to ann's place to slack...

reach dere bout 6.15am....

slack at hes place till 9 and went home....

problems after problem starts to come....

1.bout the major prob....

2. barista olympic is coming n lack or practice..

3. rock competition coming 2 weeks aft my olympic n nt tht prepared..

4. family.......

bath aft i reach hm wen mama call me to sit dwn and talk....

fine... i sat down...

all i could say, we really had a heart to heart talk....

we cried talking to each other bout the issues....

i told her everythin tht i had kept in my heart fer so long....

we took turn to talk...

i talk first n she listen while crying...

than... vice-versa......

and finally....

mama admit that since i dare to talk to her in that manner, she said im mature enough...

mature enough to look aft myself, and start to realise, now im much more maturer....

ok... flashback to the time im telling ann the story,

he told me... fuck everythin...

ur such a damn mature guy that can still handle this thing eventhough its hard on u...

i wont wanna admit anything...

thats wat i was told by the 2 person i really cared n realise me for who i am...

now... theres only a third person to realise.....

hmmph....

trust me, im gonna make u really shock when the time comes...

idk.... mayb 280509 aft 6.......

the place is yet to decide......

just wait cos i gt a huge surprise coming up specially for u....

i think till here is enough....

its been a long post n im getting ready to go ann's place...

my colleague is dere....

so yea..... working later....... got to rest cos need to train alot later.....

au revoir.......

280409

2009-04-29T12:52:00.005+08:00

Hello potatoes. :D
So yesterday was, 3rd Monthsary with BBY[♥]
I know it's nothing uh,only 3 months.
Nyeh Nyeh.
Anyways, I had fun meeting hunnybunch after school.
Lepak-ed and had like a super-retarded-tak-perlu webcam session.
PICZ!!

ok dah that's all.
Raju is like sooo lazy wanna update.
Fine. Fine.
We know we look high on dope or sth right.
Haha.
Anyway,compliments are welcome.
Simply tag at this half-dead blog.

P.S: For those who are like,idk,smirking(?),making faces, reading this post,well i can just say roll my eyes back at ya.
Cos you know what?,If you have ANY negative comments or violent protests against this r/ship and both our personal lives, since saying'GET A LIFE' is so cliche and continueing your cyberwar is waste of energy,i shall just say,GO CRY TO YOUR MOMMA EY??

BYE!

the day when they attack my house...!!!

2009-04-22T14:44:00.006+08:00

booohooohoooo!!!!!!!!!

back to blogging...
lazy to blog actually but was pestered by the guy in red on the pic above!!

the big guy ANWAR!!!

he n fifa came to my place aft *ehem* SCHOOL *ehem*!!

hahahaha.....

skola kepa boy n grl??!!

okko... aft this, planned to meet mizan to settle some things out..

hes been avoiding us the past few days, weeks, or maybe, month...

being a good friend, me n ann wanna talk thing out with him....

orite... without further a do....

its time to get ready....

blogg nxt times..!! see ya......

<---member feeling motor siol!!!!!!

tangkap stim.... --->

feeling sorang... hahahaha....

just for baby....

2009-04-10T17:24:00.003+08:00

dont say that i forget bout you ok....

here i am blogging bout you baby!!

i'm back to blogging!!!!

since like everybody ask me to update...

so yeah....

okok.... its been a secret for me on this blog...

BUT, I AM A-T-T-A-C-H!!!

yeah.....

baby is upset towards me bout certain things...

haiz.... makeup??

nvm... baby.. i am so sorry ok....

da la... dont sad sad... tk hansem!

i miss u so much....

sorry to leave you today...

i got to work to get u them shoes that you wanted..

whats the brand again??

ouh yah...

VANS!! hahaha...

hope u hape a WIDE smile after reading this post ok...

text me once you've finish reading it...

and do tag baby pls.....

i really hope to see you at my work place tonight....

want you to accompany me... hmph....

love you baby!!!

miss you loads!!!!

mwahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

signing offf..................

boredom.....

2009-02-27T02:42:00.004+08:00

sunset view of marina barrage....

boohooohooo~!

im bored....

really really really bored....

just finish reading past post of my blog...

like ALL of it....

some part, i laugh...

some part, im just lost at words..

hahahahahaha....

cant sleep.. although im feeling tired partly...

i dont know whats up for tomorrow...

but im working that for sure...

had to cover for people...

nvm.. im ok with it.. because, its not my lost..

its thiers cos i get to take their money..

hahahaha!!!

had a long chat with some people just now..

i barely know them but they wish to talk it all out..

so y not..

im ok with it...

hahaha...

so motivate them and such...

now i hope they're ok...

yeay yeay!!! my birthday is coming...!!

but i guess its not going to be a mesmorizing one...

but nvm..

im just excited cos im like finally 18!!

hahaha.... being legal and legalize!!!

legal to buy ciggs..

legal to buy drinks...

legal to go somewhere... ehem ehem~!

hahahahahaha....

okok... wanna watch Mighty Morphine Power Rangers The Movie

and doze off at the same time...

hahaha.... im sure its goin to be great... yeay yeay!!!

bye bye!!

its a wet day.... ):

2009-02-26T16:05:00.005+08:00

its raining, its pouring..

and siraj is snoring...

jump on hes bed and bump his head..

couldn't get up in the morning....

hahahahahaha!!!!

if pouring heavily man....

and there is just nothing to do....

booohooohooooo......

im so B to the O to the R to the E to the D

what's that spell? BORED!!

not working.. not going out...

wat a sickening day.... -.-"

tonight suppose to be goin to cerosel(is tht hw its spelled??)

for dinner with family... and dad will be coming home late...

reservation was not made...

wahhhlaoooo!!!!

im so looking forward to the food there man!!

haiyoooo!!!

got to build up body and add on weight!!!

that my birthday resolution...

ouh!! i forget to tell...

MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING!!!!!!!!

YEAY YEAY!!

but too bad... no celebration nor surprise party...

sadening!!!

orite.. i wanna hop onto my sofa and watch tv till i doze!!

im hungry!! have to wait for mum to bring home food!!!

till then!!!!!

chaloz beties!!!!!!

when boredom strikes....

2009-02-24T22:33:00.003+08:00

boohooohoooo.......
im bored doing nothing at home right now...
just finish spending some quality time with family and now, here i am in front of comp..
today is like the most boring-ness day man...
work was damn mendakk-ness.. waited for customer but not much came...
after work no plans at all so have to turn home n spend time with my bed.. [:

my body is like fucking.. i dont know.. cramp? muscle pull? its like damn pain!!!!
like as if someone is grabbing on to it....
luckily i have them saloman patches (koyok!! hahaha!!) and paste it on them pain..
now it feels ok.. quite soothing... hahahaaa
okok.. thts all for now... wanna smoke then off to bed i think...
gotta work tomorrow!!!!

p/s:pls try and get a phone a.s.a.p......

maybe... just maybe......

2009-02-23T17:35:00.004+08:00

up to blog since nothing to do....

just came back from meeting somebody....

yeah.. still the same old her... no change...

hahaha... but bottom line, i miss her dang lots!!!

although it never go as plan for today, as long as get to meet fer awhile is enough...

my neck is fucking stiff thanks to yesterday's gig...

met lots of long lost bros....

the gig was quite ok for me...

certain songs turn me on and certain dont...

went there just to support imran's band, Vandetta.....

yeah.. cock ups do occur on performances, u cant deny that...

but is a good first time performance for them i can say...

job well done bros!!

my band second original tittled, Sins, is out...

its publish on our myspace and even, HERE!!

do check it out.....

url: http://www.myspace.com/ignifiedsins

life has been going on ok i guess....

been busy working cause theres just nothing for me to do at home or out..

everybody seems busy with their own life..

schools... work....

so yeah... work is all that i turn to now..

dang!! i miss that someone alot....

and i MEAN it ok....

shes my babygirl.....

im a father now...

hahahahah!!!!

she who reads this should know who she is...

booohooohooooo!!!!!

wishing and kept wishing that day will come when she were to turn back... ):

ok... its a wrap people!!!!

maybe.... will be blogging back later.... just MAYBE ok!!

chalo beties!!!!!!

changed!!!

2009-02-19T03:30:00.002+08:00

yeay me!!!

everything's changed!!!

changed blog skin and updated!!

okok.. i shall promise that i will keep updating ok...

from bad to worst....

everything will be out here again!

hahahaha......

okok... wanna enjoy smoking and take a rest...

yeay again!!!!!!!!!

woooohooooooooooo!!!!

fuck fuck fuck!!

2008-04-13T23:31:00.004+08:00

i dont know why but im like fucking jealous...
im like fucking confuse and all....

went jamming with W.A.R yesterday and im officially in their band
as a permanent drummer...
whatever it is, i told them that i prioritise Ignified Sins and make W.A.R as a side band
and they agreed....
so yeah....
hope to see W.A.R as an improvement to my drumming skills and a band thats going
to cheer me up just like Ignified Sins do....
i just so fucking miss Ignified Sins.. jamming with them is postponed to another week and
that is going to be the last again as we going to continue as our mid-year.....
so im just looking forward to W.A.R for jamming which is ones a week.... got to bear with that...
after jamming, proceed fort canning....
hendra, my rhythmist is like starting to be unwell....
hug him all the way there as he is like having a hang over....
half way, switched with arep my vox...
he drag hendra all the way to our destination with ika, arifin, my bassist, girl....
along the way, lemon was walking alone....
supposedly, i have no mood to talk to her at all....
but then, i encouraged myself to approach her...
walked with her all the way to fort canning as she too is feeling unwell....
i feel like holding her hand or even hugging her cause i kept on recalling about the past...
but then, i just controlled myself....
reached fort canning and just slack....
people are attending to hendra who is sick....
imran and acap disturb wan bogeh and lemon just sat down beside wan...
accompanied her to mac and then back to fort canning...
anwar kept on calling me so decide to make my way to meet the hellions battalion..
left my stuff all at fort canning.. sooner or later, all the rockers came to funan where im at
with my stuff along.....
after awhile, split with HB and went along with rockers to esplaned..
im all fucking jealous towards lemon....
she have been with wan bogeh all the way.... while hangging out, plus while walking to
the mrt...
im, as usual, left alone...
punching metal boards here and there....
until when they went guardian, im left alone outside, she came to me only for a short while..
she asked whats wrong with me and all.. why i kept on punching the boards...
nothing is what i said.....
in the train, just sat on the floor, played my psp and mind my own business....
i text her in the train saying,"dont mind me asking but why you tak layan i sangat? as in besides just noe.. asyik bogeh jek.. thats what actually made me mad.."
whatever she replied, i just cant recalled and dont want to recall....

today...
never do anything....
woke up at 3 plus, ate chicken rice which parents bought, slept again till 8...
watched tv all the way till now im in front of the comp....
i put my personal message at msn as 'im confused'..
she pm me asking why....
this is what i replied,
"~=Siraj Kasturi®=~ prioritise to ~ıgиıfıeđ šıиš~ sides to ~=W.A.R=~ says:

i wanna be back with ya.. but you dont want.... im confused because i dont know what to do.. you have been treating wan bogeh so like specially which makes me jealous and too make me confused... i know if i were to tell you.. all you got to say is move on... people too have been telling me to move on.. but im still in for you... how am i to move on... i still love you b...
i want us back but i know its impossible cause you dont... i dont know but i had that eeling that you going to accept wan bogeh if he were to sound you cause you both are like so close.... people have been asking me what about you and him and all i can say is i dont know.... im like embarassed when people asked me that cause they know that im close to you some how.. but come to the real story... im hurt... i know you dont even care cause you got nothing got to do with me anymore and just want to be my friend.... haiz.... i dont know la b.... "

this is what she replied,
"aticcalemon♥ malam ini ku takkan pulang. says:

u tak faham ke u ?
i've asked you to move on.
just move on.
be strong.
anyways.
you have alot of other girls in your contact perr.
your ex pon ader.
dayah ader .
u nak aper lagi ?"

i dont know la....
i guess she and wan bogeh start to develop feelings for each other..
if you ask me, yeah im fucking jealous....
but............................................

~=Siraj=~

note to self....

2008-04-10T00:00:00.002+08:00

lets start with yesterday...

which is on a tuesday....

after school, head back home to change and drop by chai chee to meet n lepak with mates..

soon after, headed to bedok control station to meet acap, maan, kasman, anwar

without knowing atika was there....

when i saw her, i feel down... as in really down...

proceed to simei to lepak at our usual place...

from there, i broke down....

didn't talk much..... when maan and her went to buy food, thats when i start talking...

i wanted to return her back her zippo that she bought for me...

so i slip it into her bag and hope she didn't realise it....

out of a sudden when i spend time alone and decide to smoke,

i found it back in my pouch.....

when i talk to kasman at the corner of the blk, she came to salam us cause she

wanna go.... i pulled her aside and gave her the zippo back....

she have been declining it and left me no choice but to slip it into her top pocket

and walked away...... from there, i took my stuff, and go....

punched a letter box plate till its dented to let out anger.....

soon after, sat down under a block and cried......

came kasman, maan and her.....

kasman console me about things.....

and then, the truth is out.... kasman ask her does she like me...

her answer is,"NO!"...

i just controlled my emotion.....

then from there, we split...

me walking with kasman, anwar and acap to tampines busstop

while maan took the train and atika, the bus.....

the reason for returning her back is because it just brings lots of sweet memories of us...

she gave me the zippo aas a birthday preasent the night before my birthday when we

celebrate it at seoul garden at ngee ann city.....

how can i not forget about things that happened during my birthday night...

im sure people too cant forget right?

thats when we had our not so formal dinner in a formal dressing...

thats the time when we kissed in front of the camera.....

just how can i not forget bout it fuck?!!

today....

being down in school.....

had gastric pain the whole day......

kept on thinking of her.....

a friend of mine brought this,"no. 8 magic ball" where you ask questions in you heart,

shake the ball, and an answer will appear....

so i decide to ask somthin.....

the answer was,"not the right time to ask.." second time,"try again..."

third,"YES"....

i tried it twice and had the same answer....

i don't know...

i didn't say i trust this things but its fate if its going to happen.....

after school, headed to aunts place to meet mum...

eat, eat, eat... went home and sleep......

dreamt of somthing really shocking........

people say that if you dreamt somthing, its going to be the opposite way in reality..

is it true??

i dreamt...... her....... then........... break............ then.....................

figure out whats my dream........

"come on siraj.. she hates you now... she did not care for you anymore.... why bother thinking of her when she didn't even have the heart to think about you.... as a friend? yeah right.... reality check, she have someone else dude.... its no longer you... its someone new.... for example, she talked to someone on the phone yesterday happily in front of you... what do you think? so snap out of it.... i know you love her so do i... but does she still love us?? thats the question that you gave her which she had not answer till this very day....... lets just give her another week to think.... if she still love us, she tell us... if she don't, she wont answer us within the week..... the reason why you're typing it here is to let her know what im thinking because she have been reading bout us here... people may think you're crazy to type this, its up to them because it your life! now lets take a break and just wait till shes ready to answer us......"

~Siraj's heart......

~=Siraj=~

feelings of a broken heart....

2008-04-07T23:00:00.003+08:00

broke down the whole of today.....

nobody really cares...

she text me this morning asking whether or not im ok...

yeah i replied a no....

i can't take the fact that we're over.....

people kept on telling me to move on..

hey bebs, if you were to be in my shoe, im sure its hard for you too...

i asked her whether or not she still love me.. she replied with a don't know as usual...

to be honest... i cried in class quite a number of times...

in the bus on the way home...

i know im being too emotional....

like what anwar says,"no matter how tough a guy is.. about love can make them cry.."

i respect when he said that....

i wrote on my msn nick,"im breaking down.. i want you back b..."

to my shocked, she put,"i don't want you back"..

fucking sad after seeing that....

three guys are aftering her right now...

i'm sure i know two of them...

but the third, im not sure...

isit me, or someone else??

nah... im not sure...

im not putting high hopes... but.....

like what people say,"let the best man win.."

i just need another chance to prove myself worthy towards her....

but im not sure shes willing to accept it....

well baby.... its up to you to choose....

i really hope you choose me cause im goin to promise you that im going to change..

im going to prove myself to you that im worthy of the last chance that you're going to give me..

if you decide to choose either one from the two or three of them, i bid you all the best...

yeah, im going to be there as a friend if you willing to accept me as one...

you've seen me cried in the bus beside you the other night... im sure you realise how serious

i am that i don't want to lose you and going to worth another chance...

but i guess you're going to stick to your decision of being friends like how you said to me just now in the morning.... well b, by then im sure things are going to be different for the both of us... you go on your way with the rockers, im going on my own way with the metals... i want you to take your own time on thinking which one you're going to choose and which you're going to be much happier with.... i don't want you to regret after making your decision.... take care b.. take care..

whenever you need me, im just a text or a call away for you to reach....

i maybe returning back you zippo lighter back cause it just brings lots of memories during the night your gave me that lighter.... and i can't bear bringing the memories along without you by my side.... just make your decision wisely................

lots of love, SirajSalim......

last message to her....

2008-04-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

THE LAST MESSAGE TO HER

"is this the way for HIM to proof to me that he still loves me ? Or really really love me and can't afford to lose me ? Flirting with other girls, in friendster, msn or maybe handphone. Like i said, i won't care bout him contacting other girls anymore. I shall give his freedom and i want my freedom. Maybe, he contact other girls too. Well, i remembered clearly what i once asked him; "U ader contact ppn laen?" He changed topic and i asked again. He replied; "Guys would always be guys." So maybe, just maybe, he did now. I just can't accuse him anything without proof. But he have been accusing things without having any proof."

~AticcaLemon

well baby..... looks like you have been highlighting all this.... so ur saying that im flirting with other girls in friendster, msn or even handphone.. and even said you dont care i'm contacting other girls... well baby.. let me be straight forward with ya, people have kept on asking me about us here and there.. that's when i start adding them at msn... no flirting was going on b... i too am giving you your freedom.. u want to contact other guys or whatsoever regardless thru friendster, msn or phone... furthermore, im not even making a big fuss out of it... its like, u share ur probs with arep... i too share my probs with a FRIEND of mine who is a girl... and yea i said to you that guys will be guys.. but im not adapting to what im saying.... yea i do love you b.. i love you very much and don't wish to lose you n i can assure you that im not FLIRTING with anyone of my contacts.... i know i have been accusing you without proof.. but yet, i still kept my silence bout it... i know our relationship is ending soon due to the day and date you have choose upon... i just cant believe that its ending.... you choose to hate me, you choose to despise me over reasons that you think is true... you think that i have not change.. im still the same me... well b, i guess you have not pay attention to me enough.. if you realise, i did not stop you from doing anything you want... i did not even stop you from contacting anyone.. although i said i give you a time off and im being moody and all, i still did not let it out on you because i know your hurt at that point of time... yet this is the thanks that i get? u hate me? how great is that... although you avoid me and all, although im mad at you, i still control anger towards you b... i scold you in a good manner, yet you use vulgarities on me... i fought with you the other day thru sms, instead of using i and you, you choose to use "aku kau" plus vulgarities.... yet i control my language b.... the reason being is i respect you... but do i received the same respect i gave you? instead, hatred is what i received...

well.... we just settle our depts just now... what i meant is that, we broke up... what i said to you is that i want you to realise that you have change big time and i dont want you to forget bout your old mates who have been standing up for you rain or shine although you have found new friends who is much more fun to be with... b, i was thinking eversince just now, you said you hate me and dont love me anymore.. but why must you cry while sitting beside me in the bus just now.. when i asked, you said that you dont know and confuse whether or not you still love me... b, im giving you time to think back your decision whether or not you still love me... you can come up to me whenever your ready to tell me whether or not you still love me... if you still sticking to your decison that your not, im going to respect that and still treat you as a friend of mine... but if your answer is going to be the opposite, i wish to have you back.... as mine although you need time to think bout it... and no worries b.. by then, im sure i will be a change guy for you... well... i guess till here is enough... i wanna thank you for being my girl, being there for me whenever i need you... although we had our ups and downs, i just enjoy being with you.... just thanks... and you are sure going to be missed by me very much... with all the love i could possesed towards you, i will remain as your one knight shining armour...

~SirajKasturi

the first ever photo during our first ever date together in our relationship.....

2008-04-06T23:42:00.002+08:00

was fucking tired.....
just came back from anuregah to support mercenarian...
and congrats to them that they qualify for the next round....
although had some major breadown just now... i still try to control my emotional...
posting up a tribute message to her after this...
somthing that i had type out eversince last night....
till here is enough.....
nitey nite....

p/s: i still love you AticcaLemon......

the end!

2008-04-05T22:51:00.002+08:00

lets start after a long time of not updating..

okok... im being fucking stress....

lots of things happen eversince i did not blog....

people have been telling me to update and all....

i do want but the thing is, im scared that people would get offended

and think that im trying to be sacarstic towards them.....

get what i mean? thats why i removed my recent past blog because

it spark an unhappiness.....

im like fucking sick right now....

as in really sick...

having high-fever, dry cough and flu.....

damn hate it!!

yet.. nobody cares that im sick..

there are afew but not one particular important person...

despite being sick, im still goin to support mercenarian tomorrow during anugerah band..

and also, there's going to be something that is going to happen tomorrow..

its somesort of an occasion too...

lots of people have know it....

i don't know whether or not it is going to happen....

im currently sick and too don't know how to face it...

im just so fucking dissapointed.... seriously....

our second month had already passed....

not even a single wish was received by me....

and yet, i got to know the bad news that is going to happen during that day..

but it was somesort cancelled....

what makes me really down was that, besides meeting me, going out with

another person was done.....

how great is that....

she have been writing,"i hate you!" here and there and "fuck off fucker"..

i wonder, does writing that makes people happy??

nvm.. its people life... not mine....

i dont wish to elaborate more....

because people will think that im being sacarstic im MY BLOG and NOT THEIRS..

ok drop the topic......

guess what ya'll...

Ignified Sins new original is OUT!!

while you're reading this, the song is playing...

ok lame!!

its like fucking obvious sak!!

tell me hows the song.....

comments is needed to improve on our band!

all the best to Mercenarian for tomorrow audition...

hope you guys can qualify!!!

signing off!!!!!!

~=SirajKasturi=~

..,,..,,..,..,,....,,,,....,..,.,.,.,

2008-03-27T23:16:00.002+08:00

lets start the pouring of heart...

with the story of a broken heart...

how do i keep myself shut...

to prevent from us from breaking apart..

i don't know what's going on between us now...
its like as if we are not together......
she had been avoiding me and all...
kept lying to me....
how sad and sorrow i felt, im sure she don't realise it...
she had been busy with "her stuff"...
for example, messaging "god-knows-who", not contacting me, spending time with my mates,
avoiding me and lots more which only god knows....
i have been encouraging myself to be stong....

like what Syakirin said to me just now,"
just take care of yourself. tkmao psl ni kao mcm tkde mood ke, studies terjejas all ok? when there's love there's hope. just hope for the best to come ok. tkmo think what's gonna happen."
~thanks for the encouraging words......

i had been thinking and still continue thinking....
who am i to her? what does she wants from me? does she still love me?
this three question had been playing on my mind....
if you ask me, of course i love her although she hurt me ample number of times...
but still, im holding on....
maybe, this is the punishment i get of my past....
is this karma?
i don't know.......

went jamming just now...
mercenarian was there to jam too....
how sad and shock i am just now can't be imagine....
i told her to go jamming with me...
and yea, she lie to me again....
she told me she want to buy somthing and will be coming later....
i trust her words....
to my shock, i got to know she's going with maan....
and no she didn't go to buy somthing... how sad can that be??
why must she kept on lying to me??
no words can discribe my feelings right now....
i don't fucking care bout the tears that is rolling down right now...
it just come to thought, why must she avoid me and still avoiding...
i was controlling my anger n sadness just now..
at the jamming studio, she stay in the room to watch Mercenarian jam...
when its Ignified Sins turn to jam, she didn't even enter our jamming room....
how sad can that be?
there are ques on mind that kept going on....
why is she jealous and mad when i msg my ex or an old friend,
while shes just enjoy msg her ex, afiq.....
i too have feelings.... why is my feelings not being cared for??
nvm..... im just keeping my cool....
she wants me to change.... and yeah i'm going to prove to her that im changing....
seriously... im feeling sad & down... and i really mean it...
talking to her on the phone right now....
and how glad i feel that she called me.....
i really miss talking to her at night....
i really miss her.... haiz......

open up a new song just now...
an original from Ignifies Sins....
i fergot the tittle....
hahahahahaha.............
going for rock climbing at ex primary school tomorrow as an instructor...
this is also to cover for my CIP hours....
feeling so excited!!!!!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!!!!!!

~=SirajKasturi=~

pics update...

2008-03-24T00:30:00.001+08:00

...,,,...,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

2008-03-24T00:25:00.003+08:00

do not have any mood today....

did not leave the house while family enjoy themselves..

i sat at home and kept on thinking...

why the fuck must i do that in the first place...

supposedly, following mercenarian jam...

but i thought of spending some quality time with family...

in the end, have no mood at all to enjoy....

i've done the most stupidest thing ever and left her being no mood to me....

i've msg a long lost friend of mine without telling her....

plus, a few weeks back when we had a major break down, i got no one to talk to...

so i contacted dayah to pour feelings out.. yet, i didn't inform her....

why the fuck am i so stupid???!!!!

she sent me 2 msges today... both were about the same.....

bt still i control....

how bout we not talk bout everything shall we....

im like laughing and smiling my ass off right now because of her.....

how great is that.... me and her are like sending each other emotion on msn...

hahahahahahaha...... kekek sak........

okok..... went to a gig yesterday....
was great.....

was not in the mood at first...

so yeah... i opened up the mosh pit....

it was fucking great!!!!

letting my anger off at anyone....

anwar was like the cameraman....

hahahahahaha.............

headbang till my neck is stiff so hav to paste patches....

went off with b at 7.15....

ltr that night, was shocked to receive a msg frm raden...

he said some metalkid had gt beaten up by a matrep till he was hospitalised....

fuck them matreps man!!!!

shitheads!!!!

uploading pics here aft this....

tag me of hws the editing....

first time editing man....

hahahahaha.............................................

ilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemonilovelemon

~=SirajKasturi=~

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

2008-03-22T05:00:00.006+08:00

the time is showing at 5 am...

can't sleep thinking what is goin to happen later.....

i'm confuse... seriously confuse.....

my mind starts to be in a mess....

don't know what to think off......

people are all speechless of what to say....
don't know how to help.... don't know what to do....
i don't really seek help but i seek advices....
how am i going to overcome all this in the end.....
i don't know what is on her mind....
i don't know whether or not she still love....
she gave me a comment at friendster saying,"ifdlya."
when i ask her.. she says she just press and has no meaning...
to me.. i came to figure out her message....
it stands for,"I Finally Don't Love You Anymore"..
its up to you guys to decide whether or not i'm right....

somthing happen just now....
i don't wish to right it up here...
i don't want to cause any un happiness...
but.. it just hurt me deeply....
yet, i controlled it all and act as if nothing happen....
it seems like she doesn't care bout me anymore....
i don't know...
she wants me still to change....
yet, nobody realise i've change.....
she told me she needs a time off...
yea i am giving her without hesitation....
for those of you who know me well, it is hard for me to change in a short bid of time....
its hard for me to give in... its hard for me to change....
but yet, all that happen in just a week....
i've change but no one realise it....
how great is that....
but nevermind... im still putting in more effort to change for the better.....

going to a gig later....
but i got a prob....
my immortal shirt is torn at the back!
how fucking great is that.....
i'm all fuck up don't know what to wear....
but nevermind... there is always a solution in every problem....

till here is enough.... want to rest.........

~=SirajKasturi=~

2008-03-21T20:23:00.002+08:00

i'm seriously being confuse right now???
what's happening??am i being prank??
just what's happening??

did not receive any text messages or miss call today...

she didn't even give me a single text.....

i tried messaging her but she did not reply.....

thing all happen so fast.....

i first time i called her, she was at home... i ask her out to chill but she refuse...

the second time i called her, she was out.....

she told me she's at the night market near by her house with her "adik".

i just kept my silence and think positively.....

after that i fall asleep....

when i woke up at 7.15pm or so, there's nothing received.....

i text her.. she didn't even reply....

i called her up.... this is when the whole issue starts.....

shes out.... she said she was waiting for her brother to take somthing...

at that point of time, there were voices in the background as if she was slacking with someone..

everytime i ask, she said she was alone and was waiting for her brother and start shouting at me.

i can't take the shit, so i hung up the phone....

i text her again, asking where she is seriously, she didn't reply yet again...

when i called her back again, i start giving all that harsh tone....

she was all attitude up.... asking why am i shouting and all...

i told her, the first time i called, she was shouting at me and all...

i ask her things, she replied in a "can't be bothered" tone...

how can i not be mad.....

the last thing she said,"da uh! diam uh!!" and she hung up....

i was so fucking hurt sak!!

its like what the fuck.....

next, i call maan...

this is when i felt like i've been prank or even being hurt....

as we were talking, there were tone of people in the background....

he said that he was slacking with his mates....

ok i did not suspect of anything.....

then we just hung of over a thing i just can't recalled...

suddenly.... i received a text from her....

"if u not happy, then break uh... whats wrong with u sia.." is what i received....

call maan back....

was crying by then......

then, somthing happens till i suspected somthing's fishy....

someone in the background was talking and his voice was like ANWAR'S voice....

i god damn know how was his voice like that why i suspected its him...

maan told that guy and name him "din"..

maan said.. "diam la din!"

the thing he replied which makes me suspect things,"my name is not din.. my name is ANdin.."

get the picture???

its like fucking obvious that they are slacking with each other....

lemon, maan, anwar and others only god know who...

i don't fucking care if they wanna slack....

all i care is her....

how can she not text me or called me eversince yesterday....

i've been waiting and being hurt...

she didn't even care.....

i've text her, she didn't even replied.....

haiz...........

baby...

its not that i'm not happy with you in any way...

i just don't.... but how come you must treat me this way...

what wrong did i do this time......

i didn't control you anymore...

i didn't do anything else....

and yet, this is all i receive??

is this my punishment????

b, why must all this happen...

do u really mean your words of wanna break up???

must we end our relationship just because of this....

why cant i get a chance to change???

i wanna change b....

cant think of anything else...

~=SirajKasturi=~

sorry maan.....

2008-03-19T02:42:00.003+08:00

as i was sitting at the busstop, i came to think about my mistake...

tears starts rolling down my cheeks of my mistakes....

the reason being is that i think i'm taking things overboard...

Ignified Sins were all mad at me about just now...

like how i talk to maan...

like how i shouted at maan....

its not that i'm not happy with him in anyway...

i just don't....

i was feeling down just now....

he doesn't talk to me that much besides talking to mon...

its not that i'm stopping then from whatever...

but.....................

b did not talk to me at all just....

am i a stranger in her view??

that's why i'm being ignored????

along the way, she only interact with the rest of the gang and not me...

just why is that so b? just why?

when i asked her why, all she can said is that she don;t know and shrugged her shoulders..

i was all hurt just now and she didn't even care.....

just who the hell am i in her view?? just who???

its not that i'm being jealous or anythin but.............

maan thought that i think he is going to take b away from me...

sorry bro... you're taking it into the wrong.....

i didn't even think of it in that way......

when i want to talk to him, he don't wanna entertain me...

he just said,"just forget it la ehk!"

as we were walking back, not even a single sentence was brought up to me....

how great is that???

when i was at the busstop, i took the courage to send him a message....

saying,"k uh bro.. first things first.. im not thinking like what u think that im thinking..

im not thinking that u going to take her away from me.. i have no intention of thinking

that bro.. i apologiseif im being silly in anyway ur thinking.. second thing.. im pissed off at

u because u told her that im melampau un treating her.. to me, why cant u tell me first

before telling her so atleast i know.. thats all and nothing else.. im not thinking in anyway

of ur thoughts bro.. i respect u as a bro of mine.. how can i think overboard right.. hope

u understand.. aku nak bobal ngan kau depan2, kau tknk.. so there nothing else except

for this message.. i seriously apologise if i offend u in anyway bro.. ur he only person im left

to talk to n nobody else.. for the last time, im sorry..."

its a long message i know... but this is all i'm left to say to him.....

he replied me saying to read his blog...

and yeah, i did....

what was stated at his blog, made me into tears...

he state about all the sacrifice he's made for me and mon......

i really appriciate it...... and yet i treat him like shit??!!

what the fuck am i thinking........ fuck..............

but one things for sure......

my respect for him is going to be there no matter what...

kasman highlighted to me, as i asked him, is he mad at me...

he said yeah of the way i shouted at maan just now...

he told me.. although he's been rude to him, but respect must be present...

he also told me that i control mon too much...

he gave me advices and all...

hell yeah i took his advice....

thanks alot bro for the advices......

next up... burnt.....

he also said to me just like how kasman said to me.....

and yeah... i too took his advices.....

thanks alot to you too bro for being there for me....

for pampering me on the phone not to cry and all.....

i have thought of calling yana to settle of what she hate of me....

but that thought fade a way......

soon as that happens, she called me up....

she said that she read my blog and she does not hate me in anyway...

its just that the way i treat b....

thanks for the advices from you too beb.....

i don't know whether or not you heard me in tears....

shall stop being emo for awhile and talk about serious shits....

Ignified Sins WILL be taking the stage at Mahligai Manis on 6 april....

can't reveal the songs here as you guys will get to know only during the gig....

the rest of the information will be informed tomorrow by Mr. Black....

shall stop blogging here for now.....

damn exhausted by jamming session just now....

heading for the bed soon.....

i guess till here.......

once again, thanks to those people who gave me support and all.... just thanks.....

only god can repay you guys........

~=SirajKasturi=~

i love lemon!!!!!

2008-03-16T23:24:00.004+08:00

twingkle-twingkle little star

how i wonder what you are

up above the world so high

like a diamond in the sky

twingkle-twingkle little star

how i wonder what you are....

as i smoke at night by the window...

somthing took my to look at the sky...

there were so many stars up in the sky....

each of them are so bright....

as i looked, i came to think about what's going on in life...

i came to think about baby...

i came to think about maan rosewood...

i came to think about my relationship...

i came to think about my mates....

i came to think about myself.....

theres just so much thing to think of...

i love baby very much.....

tonight, i want to pour everything out....

what people said...

what i said to her till i cried...

what people wants from her....

what people wants from me....

and i mean everything.....

its going to be one hell of a long post so be prepared...

ok lets start.....

as i were at fullerton one yesterday with family, i sat back, enjoyed the view and think..

why must all this things happen in the first place?

why is must heart stoned cold that i treat her this way?

whats the final prediction going to be?

i've been thinking about this 3 questions all the way ignoring my families conversation...

when i got back home, chatted with baby....

baby told me everything that people talked to her about....

the advices... the support... everything....

i came to highlight this point in a conversation of her with someone's best friend, Erlina...

i don't even know her BUT i respect the way she gave baby advice...

here's how the conversation goes...

I love yoy! says:

hey i read ur blog n uu r not over afiq i see..

aticcalemon♥ what i gotta say; istillloveyoubabyboy. says:

yeayeayea.haiz.

I love you boy! says:

well i say u move on n dun turn backi've been in ur shoes just recently a month agou know me a awel are no longer together rite

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

yea i know.

I love you boy! says:

and i found someone new...as for that awel is my 1st longest r/s and it's hard to forgetlike in ur situation i was confuse and keep on crying knowing which is the best way to deal

I love you boy! says:

and in the end i asked my mum for help and she say this ''move on..why go back to the past when it's over?eventhough u regret of ur doings u still HAVE to move on''

I love you boy! says:

and it really workit might take days to deal with the confusionbut just go on loving siraj and u can forget afiqdon't hurt the one you love like how u hurt ur past

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

thaanks for your advise

I love you boy! says:

yeaa i know siraj might be wondering who u will chose if u take my advise tts good and go msg him u've made up ur mind to go on with ur r/s

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

bt what about afiq ?

I love you boy! says:

he might be hurtbut it's ur lifeyou dun wan to hurt siraj will you?i may be a best friend to afiqbut i've been thru what u are now n im helping u to wake up

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

but the thing is, i don't know who i love

I love you boy! says:

if afiq didn't come to the picture obviously u r happy with siraj kan?tol tak?

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

i dont know, i'm not sure.Just the same.

I love you boy! says:

u mean u n siraj fite alot?

aticcalemon♥ i'm stuck. says:

no uh.before that, we okei ah.Only that i've been keeping things away from him.like ..i keep it inside me what i dont like about what he did.and it bothers me alot,

I love you boy! says:

ouh i guess u have to kick tt habit of keeping it to urselfit might worry him and making him thinking differentlytell u wadHeed my advice and change urself so ur r/s will be betteryou seeall this happen is because it's a test to see how strong u two are able to fight it through together

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

yeayea.

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

but i dont want afiq to be hurt you see.i've promised him, i'll change for him.

I love you boy! says:

but does it mean change for him when u two are in love once more?

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

huh ?

I love you boy! says:

nvmwad do he mean 'change for him'

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

i mean.he said if i still love him, prove to him la.by changing.

I love you boy! says:

oh so because of that u are confuse?

aticcalemon♥ i'm sorry, i love you. says:

yeayea.

I love you boy! says:

haha u take it wronglyokae okaeit's ur choiceafiq says that because he doesn't like ur new youi mean the piercing and stuff like thatall i know is he dun like ur piercing

hope you guys get the picture......

its not because Erlina supports me is why i respect the conversation...

i just like how the way she give baby advice....

ok moving on.......

then as we chat at night, i tend to ask her this question,"why does yana hates me so much b?"

and this is wat she replied....

"She don't like how you treat me ,
you didnt respect me ,

you dont seem to appreciate what've been given ,

and immature..."

i respect what yana said to her.....

to me, i've been shot by a bazooka with those saying...

only certain people understands what i meant my "i've been shot by a bazooka"

BUT, i got a way to answer all that.....

i cried typing this to baby....

i cried reading it to maan rosewood...

till maan don't know what to say back....

all he left to say is," bagos la tu Siraj... kau dah sedar kesalahan kau...

sekarang hanya keputusan Mon aje.... aku harap kau betul-betul sedar kesalahan kau

dan berubah......"

ok this is what i replied her........

"thats what i'm tryin to do right now b...change myself.....

lots of people and i mean LOTS of people had been fucking me up side down

the way i treat you....

now, i'm trying to change myself for the better.... the reason being is that i love you...

and also.. i don't want people to hate me over the reason....

if you realise right now, i'm giving you space... in other words.. i'm respecting you....

if i don't appreciate what had been given,i would have thrown and spoil

the zippo lighter you've given me...

and yeah.. i realise i'm being immature all the way in out relationship...

being violent and all....

but now, i promise myself and maan and all my members...

i'm goin to respect u the way you are... a girl.. a princess of mine....

i'm changing b.. i'm trying my best to change....

no more the guy who used to hurt you physically....

i'm doing all this for our well being... i want to have a much stable

relationship with you now....

the reason being is that i love you very much... and i don't want you to suffer being with me....

i want you to be happy... like i said... from now on... i will treat you like a princess....

i will not hurt you in any physical way or anything else....

i love you my princess, aticcalemon......."

i really mean what i said to her.....

i'm goin to prove to her, maan, my members and all of you who is reading

my blog that i'm goin to change...

i don't want her to suffer being with me.....

i really love her....

the reason i love her is why i want to change for the better....

okok.... that's all happen yesterday........

as for today...

shits happen too.....

BUT, i don't want to highlight it here....

cause, i don't want to be the firestarter in anyway.....

just finished talking to b for awhile just now...

we put down the phone as i don't know why.....

but one thing, i'm damn shocked to get to know what maan told b recently....

BUT i respect his saying and yeah, prove to him that i can changed...

he said,"aku kesian tengok macam mane Siraj layan kau semua dulu..."

blablabla.... i forgot what else he said honestly... thats the only thing i can remember

and thinking off right now....

i will be thinking of what people said and never going to stop thinking until this issue is done...

school's starting tomorrow....

i'm so not prepared.....

suppose to go for jamming session tomorrow...

but our lead guitarist , Kasman Putra, is sick

due to a fever...

(take care bro... get well soon...)

so jamming is cancelled...

but then, meeting b after school....

she maybe accompanying me to buy my NEW pair of drumstick...

if she can't accompany me then i just go alone....

just can't wait to get a grip of my new drumstick man....

i love lemon.. i love lemon.. i love lemon.......

~=SirajKasturi=~

..............

2008-03-15T02:54:00.004+08:00

i'm missing her like fuck....
i don't know what is her feelings towards me....
i'm myself is feeling confused....
i don't know what i'm going to do after she made her decision....

shes missing her someone....
i've met her someone before and even talked to him face to face...
i felt awkward talking to him....
in front of me, that someone and herself act as if nothings happening...
behind me.. only god knows....
i can't accuse of any reason cause i don't want to be the fire starter...
i love her so as that someone....
she have been posting about someone here and there...
she had been stating in her blog about someone had been giving her advises..
i don't want to compare myself with that someone...
i know that someone is much better then me... but i don't wanna talk about it to her....
i don't want her to be hurt because of me....
i don't want because of me i broke up with her...
i have been controlling my language when talking to her...
for the first time, i'm using my brain.....
i told her that whatever she wanna know that is in myheart and on my mind will be posted here..
i want to keep myself shut for the time being...
no more mr naggy...
the reason i love her is why i'm doing all this....
i don't want to hurt her in any way...
i've hurt her umple number of times from physical to mental...
i love her very much.....
and i don't wish to lose her....
if she chooses to be with someone, then go ahead...
it will be much better for her cause she get what she wants....
and they will be much happier......
i don't want her to be with me for the sake of making me happy and with force...
i want her to choose n be with me with all her heart and not because she feel pity towards me..
how i wish all this things will not happen....
although i hurt her, deep inside me, i love her with all my heart....
tears starts rolling down my cheeks....
not tears of joy but tears of sorrow....
now, only time is upon us... time for her to choose which one is right for her....
i'm giving her all the time she needs in the world....
i know behind me they have been contacting each other or even meeting each other...
of course i feel hurt....
but like i said... i shall just kept my silence till everythings over...
rosewood have been telling me to stay strong... prove to her i love her and win her heart back...
thanks for the support bro... i really appriciate it...
you have been really sacrificing alot for us bro...
thanks is all i can say... i don't know how to repay you man...
i love her very much man... i just love her very much.....

next month,
maybe my band, Ignified Sins, will be performing..
i don't know whether or not we are ready...
i myself am not ready so....
anwar have trigger out some unhappiness towards me...
i don't know whats it all about....
he told me to find out myself....
but yet, i don't know.....
to any of you who i had offend...
i really apologise...
i hav a problem of my own which i have to solve...
i hope you guys understand my situation....
lots of you have tried your best to help me...
i really thank you guys from the bottom of my heart....

rosewood had wrote a poem for me and b...
the ones in blue is for me while the ones in pink if for her....
i don't know about her but i had figure out his message...
you guys try to solve it as it is quite meaning full.....

Kau mengenangkan masa silam
Membawa kebahgian dalam percintaan
Bukan untuk kita
Tetapi untuk dirimu

Susah hendakku kata putus
Kerana dihati masa ada cinta
Janganlah cinta kita pupus
Kerana masalah yang lama

Aku merayu kepadamu
Janganlah kau pergi dariku
Hatiku masih mencintaimu
Berilah harapan kepadaku

Walaupun susah hendak ku percaya
Namun hatiku masih cinta juga
Suka duka akan kita tempuhi bersama
Hanya untuk cinta kita

Saat kita berpisah
Kau pegang erat tanganku
Sepertinya tak merelekan kepergianku
Tuk meninggalkanmu

Perpisahan kita disaksikan bulan
Dibawa cahaya yang menyedihkan
Menerimah hakikat dan dugaan
Sampaikan timbulnya perpisahan

Bukan aku tidak cinta padamu
Bukan aku tidak percaya dengamu
Tetapi hati tidak lagi menunggu
Melawankan cemburumu

Cinta bukan hanya dimata
Cinta hadir di dalam jiwa
Kau buta melihatnya
Akhirnya semua tegendala

Beribu kali kata sayang
Berjuta kali bermuka muram
Berkata cinta entah kemana
Hanya memberi kasih yang duka

Aku berikan kata yang benar
Kau hanya mengatakan salah
Apakah lagi hendak ku edar
Sehinggakan airmata tertumpa

still confused.....

2008-03-14T17:45:00.004+08:00

heyho bitches and sluts....

if you have been checking out, i've been using full english and not shortcut..

got to perfect my english man...

my results already sucks... so got to work on it..

let start off with today... didn't do much..

had breakfast with mum and then proceed to the market then to aunt's house..

was shocked to see that my aunt's mum-in-law to be tight on to the wheelchair...

i was like in my heart,"ouh my god!" was really shocked man...

then after, went home and sleep....

i was not feeling well this few days...

mum said lack of sleep and i agree with her...

thon and slept late thinking bout me and her....

cried at night...

all those bad memories....

have not been having great times with her for this few days....

we had been quarelling and all that.....

thanks to the fire starter; ME...

had been crying too this few days... cried before jamming session that Tuesday...

cried at the chalet....

cried at home before sleep.... even, cried today and NOW...

i don't know wats goin to me.....

i am really fucked up.... i'm waiting calmly for her decision....

i don't want to trigger my anger at unecessary things....

i love her very much.... only god knows how much i love her...

this is the third time i fell in loved with someone deeply...

first would be Amalina(mel)...

second goes to Hidayah...

third.. and lastly... my baby Lemon i'm having currently.....

now shes confuse... don't know which to choose....

me or him...

i relying on my patience on awating her decesion....

if she chose me, i'm gladly to look after her with all my heart....

if she chose him, all the best i s all i can say...

as long as shes happy, i'm happy......

i've been saying that too many times... and without fail, i cried.... like now.....

i have no other to say.....

its all up to her right now..... i hope she will made a choice she would never regret.....

till here shall i blog...

mayb blog again later at night... i just cat take the pain...

take care bitches.............

i've sent her this message just now and it sure makes me cry typing it..
whatever i type is from the bottom of my heart to her....
she post it on her blog.. so i'm posting it on mine too....

"b... all i can say to you now is think about it wisely.. don't make da wrong decision that will make you regret..if you have to leave me, leave me then.... if you want to be with me, stick to me b... i am all prepared for the worst to come.... i just want you to be as happy as you can... and not because of me, you will be down... i want you to love me with all your heart and soul.....and not just partly.... i want you to be all mine... and not sharing it with someone else.... i am giving all the time you need b... i am willing to change myself for the better... for myself and even for you.... i don't want to impress other girls besides you b... your the only one i have left and i'm trying all the best i can to defend it from other people grab.... i love you b.. i love you......"

~=SirajKasturi=~

confused......

2008-03-13T22:48:00.003+08:00

heyhey bitches.....

its a long long long time eversince i update my blog....

time to renew the whole shits....

updatin the layouts soon...

okok... i don't know where to start basiccaly...

ok let me start by saying.....

i have a new girl in life...

her name is Nur Atika bte Leman(Lemon)...

i love her very-very much...

i know she love me but not that fully......

she have probs to face with her friends and ex...

i tried my part to help but, she refuse to tell me shits...

she want me to change which would take time....

i don't even know what does she wants from me...

but still, i'm trying my best to get her point and change myself for the better...

she love me, but at the same time, she like her EX...

her ex still love her....

thats the point which makes me trigger my anger when they start contacting...

bottom line is, i love my lemon... im willing to sacrifice anythin for her sake...

now, i fear of losing her....

she don't like me to control her life...

but the question is, why must her friend and EX control her life....

what the fuck is this???!!!

but still never mind...

i shall just keep my silence till everything ends....

lets change the topic shall we.....

i'm dead tired after thonning at rosewood's family banglow...

thon with lemon, acap, imran n rosewood himself....

for the start we talked bout bands and more bands...

then as time moved to a later time, the topic change to a much grusome topic...

acap almost cried after seeing a "rocker" in the bunglow...

but it turned out to me rosewood cousin.... that bikini girl!!we had great time there....

my first time thonning beb.... so yeah, really enjoy the time....

hit the road at about 8 n reached home at 9 sharp...

was really swaying here and there....

can't sleep my parents had to meet my form teacher of my results.....

then head to centery square to have our lunch, and head home straight after....

straight to the bed for me and here i am just woke up.....

honestly, i'm feeling down right now.....

i don't know why must all this shits happen.....

why isit so hard for her to listen to me and much easier to listen to her friend n EX??

who the hell am i???

but still, like i said to her, i'm getting use to her new behaviour....

i'm still keeping my chill.....

don't want to execute my anger at no point....

i really really thank and respect my bro Maan Rosewood for chilling me and her...

he really really sacrifice his time for helping us to solve our problem....

i guess there's nothing else for me to blog....

maybe later or tomorrow....

ya'll shitheads take good care of yourself and your love ones aight.....

take care......

Heavy must stick together, OR others must die!!!!

ouh baby....

if you're reading this...

i want you to know that i love you very much...

i don't wish to lose you in any way to come.....

i want you to be mine and only mine....

i hope you realise how great the impact is of you on my life....

you have brought me up when i'm down.....

i don't know whats going to happen to me when you're not around baby....

i love you very much baby.....

hope you feel the same towards me....

don't care what people say baby... we just lead life our way...

don't listen to what people say bout us....

they are just ruining our life.... and want us to be off.... not making us much happy....

i hope you listen to your heart and not listening to what people say and what they want from you.....

think bout it baby... your just being their dog.......

just talk and share your problems with me k.... i shall try my best to help you....

furthermore, i'm your guy hunny.......

take care baby..... i love you very much......

mwahh mwahhh.....

~=Siraj Kasturi=~

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........................

2007-10-10T00:11:00.000+08:00

nice rite my new drumstick???
wakakakakaka.........
baddy show off......................

time to bloggy bloggy.....
weeeeeee..............................
i bought a new drumstick..... happy la seh...
its my first ever drumstick which i crave for like whenever....

okok.... hmmm.....
wat to rite ehk....
ouhya... newsflash!!
dayah had a NEW GUY wtout IBU noein....
entala ehk .... jus gonna let ibu find out herself...
i dun wan to be da cos of everythin again...

ok drop da subj.....
jus nw went jamming....
was fun sak bt yet borin... it was a last min plan... supposely
goin bsok bt den hafiz mantus book it today...
so, tknk busted member, turon la.....
anwar, kasman me n another of man fren came dwn like 1 n 1/2 hr late sak...
wakakakakak.............
n aisyah couldn make... ckp je nk turon bt in the end nk g tgk bola....

2moro goin jamming n chillin at cityhall again....
bt bsok i tink less people coming dwn...
bt aisyah is coming dwn i think....
gd thing la so can pinch her chubby chicks or wateva on her face...
wakakakakakakakakakakaka..................

kla mls uh nk type panjang2....
till here je uh.... i wan to rest fer bsok jamming session....
phuhh............
gerek la seh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
taking care ya'll....
Live To bReaK ruLEs!!!!!!!!!!

p/s: im still waitin fer da decision to be made.......

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........................

2007-10-07T03:31:00.000+08:00

cute kn muke aku!! wakakakakakakakak...........
diydee hates is sakk..... sedih....

okok time to blog.....
my exams r over!!!!!!!!!!!
n i so darn fuckin happy la seh........
wuuhoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deres nothin much to talk bout la dis past few days...
nxt week time to enjoy la seh...
goin out wit all monothesm guys n some chicks which hav been invited by them..
n ive invite my own chick....
her name is diyana....
im like chattin wit her rite nw.... happy la seh....

ok uh...
aku mls nk tulis panjang2....
n fer some of ur people opinion...
deres this thing which i wrote of bein single is bein publish 3 mths back...
so stop fuckin botherin me bout dat is whether bout me wan to
hav a grl or nt....
okok..... no offence...!!!!!!!!!!!!!

taking care ya'll.....
okok....
LiVE tO brEAk RuLeS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s: i tink im back in love wit her......

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

weeeeeeeeekkkkkk........................................

2007-10-01T05:57:00.000+08:00

ok im tired......
hav nt slept da whole nite n nw got to go schl to sit fer exam...
shit man......

hav nt study a fuckin bit sak....
geog wat.... nothin la....
i jus fear my math which i will be sitting later today....
y cant da moe make da paper straight as in aft my geog??
y must it be at 2pm in da aftnn whic is da time fer me to sleep...
shit man....

kla... jus post lil bit onli...
skr nk selak2 buku skit....
wakakaakakakakakakaka........
taking care...
LiVE to BreaK ruLeS!!!!!!!!!!
p/s:i've been betrayed....
p/s:im so so so so confuse........

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

2007-09-30T01:45:00.000+08:00

THE FINEST
GIRL

boy and girl talkin.. on the
phone

-Girl
I love you.

- Boy:
Yeah I know everyone does!

-Girl:
Really?

- Boy:
Yeah...everyone of my friends that are
girls tell me that everyday.

- Girl:
Oh...but am I only your friend?

- Boy:
No...you're my girlfriend...why?

- Girl:
So when I say I love you I really do
mean it.

- Boy:
Yeah I know you do mean it...its just
that you dont need to tell me that you
love me anymore cuz I know you love me
since the day we been together and i
love you more each and everyday.

- Girl:
......

- Boy:
So wanna go somewhere tonight for our
7th anniversary?

- Girl:
Yeah...where?

- Boy:
I dont know...maybe movie then dinner?

-Girl:
Ok.

- Boy:
Ill pick you up after I get off and get
ready ok?

- Girl:
Ok. What time do you get off?

- Boy:
In 2 hours and then I gotta go home and
yeah get ready which takes about 15-20
mintues...

-Girl:
hey...I thought you didnt have work
today...

- Boy:
One of my co-workers called in sick.

- Girl:
Oh okay! So ill see you around 7:30
then?

- Boy:
Yeah! and babe?

- Girl:
Yeah?

- Boy:
I love you.

- Girl:
I love you too!

- Boy:
Ok my manager is like looking at me so
yeah.... i gotta go.

- Girl:
Ok bye.

- Boy:
Bye.

****************************

2 hours later...

The guy drives to his girlfriends house
and walks up to the door and rings
bell.

- Girl:
Hey! (gives a kiss to her boyfriend)

- Boy:
Wassup...you ready?

- Girl:
Um...wait...let me get my bag and we
can
go ok?

- Boy:
Ok.

They both watched a movie and ate
dinner...once they were done eating
they
head back to the car but before she got
into the car...

- Boy:
Wait! Can I blind fold you?

- Girl:
Why??!

- Boy:
Its a suprise.

- Girl:
What kind of suprise?

- Boy:
A big one.

- Girl:
Okay but only if you promise me that
you
will hold my hand while we're driving.

- Boy:
I promise.

- Girl:
Ok blind fold me...

So they drove off...........and then
they stoped.

- Boy:
Ok we're here!

-Girl:
Where?

- Boy:
Wait let me walk you to the place!

- Girl:
What place?

- Boy:
Somewhere! (and gives a kiss to her on
the lips)

- Girl:
Baby!...

The boy walks her to the place.

- Boy:
Ok...let me take the blind fold off.

- Girl:
Where are we?

He takes it off her and she opens her
eyes and sees the view of the city and
at that same spot...that's where he
first asked her to be his
girlfriend....

- Girl:
Omg...(tears come down)

- Boy:
Why are you crying?

- Girl:
This is where you first asked me out...

- Boy:
What are you doing the rest of your
life? (he asked on his knees and after
he says that...behind him...in the air
it says "Will you marry me?" in
fireworks)

- Girl:
(tears come down faster)

- Boy:
I wasnt at work when you called me...I
was planning this whole thing!

- Girl:
Get up!

- Boy:
Yeah?

- Girl:
(kisses him)

- Boy:
Is that a yes or a no?

- Girl:
Yes.

If you don't repost this you will have
the loneliest life!

BUT!

If you do repost this, you will have a
relationship that will last as long as
you want it to!

if your a girl repost this as "CUTEST
BOY EVER!!"
if you're a guy post this as"THE FINEST
GIRL
*************************************************************************

isnt dis a fucking great story or wat???
got it frm frenster's bulletin board....
was bored la so dats y post dis blog....
okok... taking care...

p/s: im confuse........

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....................

2007-09-29T16:44:00.000+08:00

ok best.....
salams to all............
n yea yea my comp internet can be use oready..!!
stupid old linksys routers....

i kind of jus woke up.....
phuhh slept da whole day again man...
darn fun la seh..... wakakakakakaka....
okok.... ltr aft buke, nt goin fer terawih cos gt tuition wit my kakak sdare...
she's coming over to teach me at around 8.30 p.m....
ouh gosh.. cant believe n'lvl is jus on monday n ive nt study a bit..
wat da fish!!!{tkle maki cos nga puase.... hehehe...}

ma parents went out n neva bring be along...
rabak sak... aru nk ketok some gd shits!!!
i want my cravings bad!!!!
im so goin to find a job n buy all da things dat i crave for...

okok aku mls nk type panjang2....
till here onli..... taking care all....
slamat berbuke...
wakakakakkakakakakaka........
Live To BreAk RulEs!!!!!!
p/s: diydee makes me go gaga!!!!

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...................

2007-09-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

harloo harlooo.....

im goin to post another lame post here...

okok.... nothin much happen today....

didn attend schl again n jus slept da whole day today frm

8+ in da mornin till 6+ in da aftrnoon..gerek la seh...

wakakakakakaakakakakakaaka..............

i noe la i pemls....

okok......

as u can see... i hav a new skin...

da skin i chose is my theme which is rock....

for me... choosing a new skin equals to having a new page in my life

n also my blog.....

im nt gonna blog bout my past much but jus da present....

okok nt bein emo now.....

wakakakakakakakakaakakakakakakakakakaka..................

n'lvl is like da first day nxt week n i hav n study a bit....

fuck rite???

i noe..... wakakakakakakaakakaka..............

bt so wat.... life has to go on wit something new n interesting as days goes by...

siraj da crazy dude or sira da slenge dude.....

dat sounds great rite...

as u can see on my profile on da column beside

saying "leading a single life"..

its true ok!!!

i am single....

siape tk cayer tande nyer nk mampos.. pendek umor...

wakakakakakakakakaakakakakakaka.................

im tryin to aim fer a new better life wit a new better person....

cool right?!?!

okok siraj is crapping....

ok la i guess till here onli la...

mls uh nk blog panjang2....

gonna blog again tomorrow i guess...

okok.... u guys take care....

hav fun in life.........

live to break rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s/: i tink im in love.......

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

2007-09-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo......

its been a long time since i blog.....

as u all see...

i hav a new skin!!!!!!

jus created sak...... it took me sometime to do it.....

gt some help frm sis....

okok..... da theme for my blog is rock...

so ya.... even da songs r rock...

slow rock dat is.... ade lgu jiwang jgk uh bt cmon.... its fer fun la...

okok.....

i tink till here uh....

jus a lil bit onli...

i shall blog again ltr.....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

specially

2007-09-27T01:48:00.000+08:00

Dear baby boy,

update regularly.

i've started by posting MY creation, to save u the trouble... muahahaha

enjoy...

Love,
kAkAk

weeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~

2007-06-28T01:51:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo harloo......
im so damn tired.....
had my cross country jus now at bdok reservoir park n youth day carnival in school...

today was damn fun in schl...
durin cross country was damn bored of course but i mix aroun wit 4H guys
bcos most of my classmates r in schl havin their inter-house events....
den wen back to schl n hav da inter-house performance sume...
we r all separated sitting in our houses... n of course my house hav kecoh2 people...
we r da noisies group dere... shoutin n laughin out loud....
people all laugh listenin to our jokes n crappy behaviour which made me enjoy really much...
we finish schl aroun 3 jus now... okla...
i went hm straight aft schl jus to sleep... damn tired....
but i really enjoy today's event very much uh..... it was da most funnes event....

okok..... guess wat, filzah wan a break...
i cant say much uh... all i can say is up to her...
everything goes fer me.... of course i dun wan to let her go la but if she choose it dat way den
i cant say much....
even if i break up wit her, im goin to stay single...
i noe most of u guys tink i cant make it but trust me, im goin to prove u guys wrong....
all im goin to do is wait fer dayah no matter how long it takes....
im seriously goin to stay single n all i want to be my grl is dayah... dats all....
i laid my eyes alot on her jus now.... i duno whether she realise it or nt bt so wat.. atleast i can see her is enough....
cant say whether does she laid eyes on me or nt....

okok nvm.... goin jamming tomorrow which is today (thursday) with
my bro D.B n anwar... learnin how to play da drum....
anwar want to train fer his gig dis saturday n wan to play with my bro to catch up da tune..

i guess im goin to rest now... schoolin today....
wahhhhhh..............
okok....
nitey nite....
taking care n take care of ur rship......

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

so bored!!!!

2007-06-26T18:21:00.000+08:00

salamz salamz to all.....

nw im at anwar usop place....

jus go here to chill cos so bored uh at hm like fuck....

okok... today n ystrdae ok uh... bole dikate kn ni aru alik dari schl...

tdi kt skool ade cheerleadin...

n congrats to hidayah for leadin her firebalze to victory...

happy n proud fer her...

bt too bad im nt hers to hug n kiss for winning...

da stress of tinking of her is still dere... really cant get rid of it....

wonder enuff y...

bt i jus cant get da ans...

she hates me to da core...... haiyo....

i guess nw she belong to da design group PrObLeM ChILd...

its a design group of her brother -in-law....

she hav been goin out with them when i probit her last time...

but nw, im everythin go... i dun care much of wat she wan to do cos who m i to control her life..

i wan to join da group bt I DUN HAV A LICENSE!!!!

wakakakakaka.....

otey otey.....

i guess till here first....

mayb i'll blog again ltr at night if im nt tired uh....

kk... taking care n take of ur relationship wit anyone.....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

song liric...

2007-06-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

Data & Ira Khairani

Kembalikan Kasih Pulangkan Rindu

Setelah aku menyedari
Engkau ditinggalkan kekasih
Teringin rasanya di hati
Menjalin kasih yang lama terpinggir

( 1 )
Terharu rasa hati ini
Kelu menahan airmata
Bila kau suarakan hasrat
Untuk kembali ke sisiku lagi

Dahaga di dalam gerimis
Berpeluh dalam kedinginan
Seumpama diriku
Pasti terasa malu
Walaupun merindu ( 2X )

( 2 )
Kembalikan kasih pulangkanlah rindu
Jalinkan semula ikatan yang lalu
Usah dihiraukan apapun cacian
Juga penghinaan yang akan dilemparkan

Kerana kasih kita kasih
Yang sejati yang lahir
Dari hati yang tulus suci

( 3 )
Tertulis sudah suratannya
Menemukan kita
Di hujung perpisahan
Dan awal pertemuan
Semoga berkekalan

Terhapus sudah noktah perpisahan
Tercatitnya garis pertemuan
(ulangi lagi)

( ulang 3 )
( ulang 2 & 3 )
( ulang 1 )

sick n tired n also stressing out....

2007-06-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

salamz salamz too all readers....

haiz.... as usual.. im stressin out....
im so stuck of hidayah....
filzah act as if she dun even cared bt i noe deep in her she's sad...
i love her... but i love dayah more...

i noe to certain people, im stupid....
i hav a such a better grl like filzah, y wud i still wan to chase aft dayah....
deres so many reasons...
but i only share it with people whom i trust n close to....
i cant post it here as its too personal....
all i can say is, i still love n care for dayah.....

i went to her place da other day to pay a visit to ibu as she had jus done with her operation..
wen i enter her room, dayah was dere sleepin...
ibu told me to wake her up which i did...
all she ever said aft she woke up is, "asl dier dtg... menyebok jek...."
i was upset but i didn say much as i was dere to visit ibu n nt her....
all da way, she was nt in da mood n didn even talk to me.....
i cant do anythin.... aft she went out to study, i talk to ibu for a while...
ibu told me dat dayah was mad at me n she wud be mad wen she sees my face...
like duh im upset but i didn say much la...
all i said to ibu is dat, its all up to dayah... i cant force her to like me...
i hav to earn her trust n liking....

im goin to post a song liric which i was told to be a song dat dayah like...
its a mly song uh... n da song is da first on my player bside here.....
u can hear it while readin da lirics....

i guess till here onli my post will be....
i need to sleep... bsok skola!!! argh!!!!
okok.. nitey nitey....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

each day past......

2007-06-21T14:52:00.000+08:00

day by day is pass.....
my stress is still accompanyin me along da way....
im seriously stuck....
y must dis always happen to me.....

i ask dayah y cant dere be peace between us....
n da ans is," i dunno.. i just hate u..."
i noe ive done alot of mistakes towards her but y must she continue to aviod me....
i want to make up for it but y am i nt given da chance.....
i noe la she has totally given up hope with me.... but y.....
the fact is, ya, ive been repeatin dis alot of times at dis blog...
i love her..... i love her more den i love filzah...

i jus wish i can turn back time n prove to her dat im still worth of her guy...
bt too bad, dere isnt anymore chances....
i hope she reads this n realise everythin....
but da reaction she wud give is only,"wateva, bobal konek"
y cant she stop n tink for a while of da words n da past between me n her....

like wat ibu said to me,"both of u want to show ur ego towards each other"
i noe its true but i dun show much ego twards her nowadays....
weneva she try to contact me in anyway nomatter on msn or da phone,
i treat her extra kind n nt blastin of my temper or ego weneva she tried to make me...
i try to control myself as hard as i can jus so she realise it but no i dun tink so....

i tink jus till here....
i shall to blog again ltr.....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

y must dis happen again....

2007-06-21T02:44:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo harloo......
okok...
i guess filzah is mad at me or upset aft readin my previous post...
im so sorry... dis is where i can let it out n let people read....

to tell da truth.... yea.. my love for hidayah is still here....
it has nt shed a bit although im with filzah....
my brain is goin haywire....
im so confused which to choose....
dayah kept on tellin me to go to filzah n juz forget bout her...
for filzah, i guess its da opposite of dayah....

ouh wat must i do...
im really confused...
i'll blog again ltr.....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

long time....

2007-06-20T01:19:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo harloo.......
its a long time ever since i update my blog...
life is cool... ive met a new person in life...
her name is filzah amanina....

okok.... im so stress n confuse in life rite now AGAIN....
all da bitter sweet memories of me n hidayah came back n haunt me...
y must dis happen??
although i hav another person, my feelins for her still neva shed....
jus y.... ive been wonderin all while....
fuck sak.... my habit of smokin is becomin really bad rite nw....
im such a heavy smoker now compare to da past....
i can finish a pack within a day...

omg... wats happenin to me...
bt da fact is, ive change alot uh... no more mr ego or kerek anymore...
im becomin a nicer person nw... helpin people out wit their prob....

i guess i continue ltr uh... nt in da mood rite nw....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

cant sleep....

2007-05-22T02:11:00.000+08:00

hey hey... gd mornin....
well... i cant sleep rite nw.. im suppose to feel tired aft nt sleepin da whole nite ystrdae aft talkin to ibu but den im jus nt sleepy....
i talk to ibu ystrday mornin frm 2.30 till 5.30...

chatted alot with her bout life, me n dayah, n some of her fav songs which i play on my comp
while talkin to her... it was fun talkin to her.. laugh alot... stress alot... n enjoy alot....
i get to talk to dayah ystrdae mornin too bfore i talk to her mum... yea i hurt her verbally again..
but i jus couldn control as she is da one who started it... so i was like pissed off... at da same time,
a girl fren of mine called me on my cell... i talk to dayah on my hm pone n talk to da girl on my cell..
i try to like iritate dayah which she was really pissed but sayin to my girl friend like "hey darlin.. watcha doin... n im talkin to my BLODDY EX on da other pone..."

yea.. with da word BLODDY EX was mention, dayah was really dang pissed off...
she was like sort of mad n irritatin at da same time jus like hw i use to noe her... n i was like jus
keepin quite n listen to her iritatin comments all... n ya.. of course i fight back with iritatin words... so aft dat she dun wan to talk to me... sayin dat i iritated her la tu la ni la... so i told her to pass da pone to her mum which i really enjoy talkin to alot...

ibu was dissapointed of da arguement i had wit dayah... she tot by lettin us talk wud make
things better between me n her.. but den, it turn out to be da oposite.... she was a lil mad of
course... so terpakse pujok2 dier.... wen we r goin to put dwn da pone, i told her to pass a msg to dayah.. sayin dat im really sorry of my words... n tell her dat i love her.... which she did...
den later in da aftnoon, i met her at hm n she told me everythin of hidayah aft she pass my msg to her... she was mad at me wen i mention da word BLOODY EX to my girl friend... n she say dat if i love her, i dare to say BLOODY EX to people which refers to her...
yea i feel guilty of course... i jus dunno wat to do... she didn talk to me wen i went to her place jus nw.... so i jus act slumber jek....

nvm la... CHANGE TOPIC....

school was ok... was really drowzy though aft nt sleepin... bt jus try to put myself tgher n try nt to fall asleep... today i suppose to follow my sec 3 cadets for their classification shoot
at Home Team Acadamy(HTA), but den gd dis carrier fair talk which is compulsory to go, so i cant follow them... haiz... i jus wan to spend time with dem... bocs dis fri will be da last parade for my NCO batch... aft june holiday, da sec 3 will take over... ouh god time fly so fast.... bt nvm... im still goin to brief them lil bit bfore they go for their shoot....

i guess till here only... im dang drowzy rite nw... goin to da bathroom do business den off to bed for me.... nitey nites guys n gals.... stay cool... cherish ur love ones bfore they r gone...

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

long time....

2007-05-17T12:05:00.000+08:00

hey hey.... along time since i blog... lots of things hav been happenin lately...
some i may enjoy n some i feel frustrated bout....

okok... firstly.. life has been goin on quite well.. but da prob is, i just cant erase da memories
dat i hav with her n about her... y must it keep botherin me??
although she already hav IRWAN, i jus cant forget bout her... jus y is dis so....
she kept on sayin,"y can u forget bout MEL dat easily n y cant u do it towards me??"
MEL is a completely diff story la... i can forget bout her bcos i hav U by my side dear... dats y
its easy i can forget bout her... cant u recall y i broke up with her about... its all bout our story
of buildin a new life.. dats y i can forget bout her dat easily n cant forget bout u....
im happy dat shes happy but at da same time, i feel sad too cos i lose her...
ive been on dates, but i jus cant fall for them cos my heart is still with u dear.... pls try to undrstan..

change da topic!!

y r dere so many hate taggers in my blog... guys or gals, if u tink dat im childish or watsoeva, thanks... bcos i am childish... i dun act mature in da eyes of others... deres no big deal if im childish.... everybody hav their own part of childishness not only myself... so tink bfore u say anythin... if u tink dat all my story here SUCKS, deres still LOTS of blog out dere dat u
can view n hate tag.... just as easy as dat....

life's goin on well wit da chillerz... really enjoy myself with them cos they r my only pillar of hope.... if u guys r wonderin who is da chillerz, they r my chat clan...
gt to noe them frm radio chat room n i tag with them since den onwards... jus wen will da nxt outin be held... really cant wait... mummy's giving birth soon... so all da chillerz r to come dwn if nt u noe wat da consequences wud be.... as for DAYAH, i dunno whether is she still in our family or nt... i introduce them to her... they felt sad after noein da story between me n her
recently... da chillerz mish her lots includin me... jus hope she return back to us....

people hav been tellin me to move on.. start a new life... its jus so hard... my heart is still with her.... haiz... nw im confused.. shud i wait for her no matter hw long it takes or shud i jus proceed... people hav been tellin me to jus move on as its better dat way... ya i noe.. but its jus too hard... nobody suits her place... deres one more promise dat i keep to her which im goin to fulfill it... i dunno if she noes wat is it or nt... bt i guess she noes....

i guess till here only uh... mayb i blog ltr.... taking cares guys n gals....
take care of ur relationship....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

who da FUCK sak!!

2007-05-04T17:50:00.000+08:00

eh pukimak!! otak sort sak..

pukimak ane or hate-tagger ane ni brani nk uat cerite ni...

for ur info, da REAL princess is now infront of baddy wen im bloggin....

so who da fuck is da one who brani sgt nk bobal konek psl dier ni!! klau kau brani uat,

brani tanggong uh.. nk tag pki name kau sndri uh.. tkya nk pki name (fake) princess....

klau kau tk suke bacer blog aku psl ade byk sgt aku tulis psl dier, ade byk lgik blog yg kau bole view n hate tag dere motherfucker!!

even though she hate me, she dun hav da heart nk kene smpi ckp gini kt tag!! atleast she hav da limit of taggin even though she hate me.... fuck off la motherfucker!!! jgn nk pki name org lain.. BE ORIGINAL!!! fuck off u motherfucker hate tagger!!!

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

a liric....

2007-05-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

here is a liric dat i wrote bout hidayah... hope u guys undrstan... i haven got da tune yet... as soon as i get it, i shall sing it... teehee~ enjoy...

"Sepi mencengkam..menghantui jiwaku...

Bila ku kerinduan..pada dirimu...

Ayu wajahmu..seringkali diingatan...

Menemaniku..dalam kegelapan...

Diri tersiksa..menahan sebak di dada...

Mengenang kau tiada..membuat ku gundah...

Belaian jiwa..yang hanyut tanpa kata...

Menangisi..membasahi cinta...

(pre-chorus)

Akan ku...merempuhi segala...

RIntangan...yang melanda...

Biarpun...akhirnya ku tersiksa...

Asalkan ku dapat bersamamu....

(chorus)

Oh hidayah...kekasihku...

Dengarkan lah..rayuanku...

Kembali lah..ke pangkuanku...

Seperti dahulu kala...

Oh hidayah...kekasihku...

Sambut lah cintaku...

Hanya kau sorang...

Yang selama ini ku cintai..."

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

i jus dunno wat to say....

2007-05-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

fuck fuck fuck.........
haiz... wat m i suppose to say... people have been tellin to move on as wats is told on my tag..
i dunno jus wat to do.. majority may say,"jus move on n forget bout her la... u hurt her too much
n da more u pester her, da more she will hate u.."

i realise dat i hurt her.. bt must she take things for granted?? i noe most grl do...
jus y isit hard for girls to jus forgive n forget.. ya i noe guys dis, guys dat is da reason for them to be like dis.. im jus so curious.. y must girl nowadays take things for granted... like i said in previous post,"they slash their hands n put da blame on da guys who hurt them". is dat wat they do to let out their stress n anger?? i jus wonder...

da fact dat i cant move on n forget bout her is dat i jus love her too much... ive done lots of things with her n bein joyful with her... i noe she hate me for hurtin her upteen time... but i jus cant forget bout her... shes da joy of my life... ibu has hopes... her most highest hope is us.. she want us to be peaceful n loving twards each other.. she jus wan us to be tgher.. but den, we broke her hopes... she feel sad bout everythin... she suffer a great lost.. ibu told dis to me... i dunno whether hidayah noe or nt bout ibu hopes n her feelins bout dis... yea ibu told me to move on too.. she say,"wat has gt in my daughter dat u cant forget bout
her??" well ibu, deres r things dat u can noe n u cant noe bout us even too u guys out dere... also, i wonder y do u guys love to interupt in peoples life?? im nt saying dat its wrong uh but den, cmon la guys... its peoples life... u cant tell them to do things dat they refuse to do rite... bfore u ask people to do dat, u tink for urself... do u like people to tell u wat to do in ur life?? jus tink ok guys...

nw ibu is sick... shes admitted in tan tock seng hospital...im goin to visit her on thurs (if she's still in) wit my chillerz mate which consists of me, aliah, d.b, dzul n kimi... hidayah is part of da family too.... i introduce her to them n make her part of our family
which they really love especially aliah.. god i miss all u chillerz man!! jus wish our pit durin da june or sept holidays is a success...

n oso.. I JUS HATE FUCKING MY FAMILY!!! wateva i do is all a sin to them... like my sis, i ask her to help me to masage my back,
but wat did she say,"ur nt my father so y must i listen to u".. my mum is always naggin at me no matter wat i do... n my dad... wateva i do is wrong to him... i do dis i do dat is all wrong... fuck la!!!! argh..... wat da fuck is wrong with them... if they love me, y cant they jus allow me to be free... y cant i hav a free life like u guys... juz y mus my life be filled with misery... jus y....
so far, only hidayah noe everythin bout my life n family... bt nw.. i lose her... i gt no one to talk to...

jus y mus my life be so fuck up!! jus y!! i want a happy life... i wan a peace family.. i want a lovable grl which is hidayah... dats all i wan n i ask for... nothing else... till here.....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

wat hav i done......

2007-04-27T16:56:00.000+08:00

harloo.... haiz.... im so fuck up...
dis time im really so fuck up no denyin it....

i noe i hav done somthin relly bad twards her... its hard for to forgiv me dis time...
i really regret doin it... only certain people dat i trust noe wat hav i done..
hiaz... i really hope she forgiv me... i really love her seh..

ouh baby if ur readin dis, pls forgiv me.. i really regret doin all dat to u... plz....
i noe its all my fault who make u cry n all dat.. jus plz forgiv me baby...
i really love u seh... i noe, to u, if i love u, y must i do all dat rite... i seriously didn noe wat had
gt into me... i cant control myself... u sndri nmpk pe... klau i bole control, nmpk
sgt i da stop.. but i really cant control.... pls forgiv me uh u.....

now i noe u hav been having things wit aidil... i jus wish reen noe
bout all dis... haiz....

i cant continue... take care...

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

at hm again....

2007-04-25T10:58:00.000+08:00

harloo... mornin... guess wat?? im at hm again... mls nk g skool... wen
i woke up, my head was damn heavy... haiyooo...

skr tgh siap2 nk g bdok int jap... need to buy yogurt... daddy ask me to buy those to eat so i hav a better health... fuck... hahaha... im crazy... but on second thought, im sad too.....

i dunno y but hidayah always hav her reason to aviod me.. i dunno y... i hav been wonderin ever since we broke up till now, wat was my mistake till it lead to dis misery... it all happen like all of a sudden.. tau2 je dier tkde mood wit me den lpas tu mntk break... until now, she hav nt hav da mood to talk to me... isnt it like crap like
dat... in case u guys been wonderin, yea it hurt me BAD!! i was loving her den dis happen... y must dis always happen... y wen i start to get serious bout dat person, dat person leave me... ape sala aku!!! ibu told me, mayb shes hurt after i told her dat i ask mel a ques bout patchin up... tkkn la smpi skr dier nk kene terbwk2 kn... i noe to me its jus a ques but to her its like an atomic bomb... but im jus askin baby... i told u dat bcos i noe dat i dun wan to hide anythin frm u... u guys shud noe wat i mean rite... in a rship, honesty is da best policy so y mus i hide it frm her.... now i dunno wats goin on... y must dis happen... haiz...

i jus stop here... i post again ltr if i hav da mood.... take care....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

cant sleep...

2007-04-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

harloo2... i cant sleep.. jus took my medication... i jus finish editin da second piece of my collage... it made me wan to cry jus by lookin at it...

cmon la, i really love her sey... i really cant forget bout her... im suppose to receive her call by nw but den, shes asleep... so i carry on my daily routine by msgin her at nite... ibu felt pity for me but den i dunno wat to say.. she hav help me alot... in case u guys were wonderin who is ibu, she is hidayah's mum.. i noe its kind of weird for me to be in contact wit her, but shes da onli person i can rely on.. but den i gt my limits on wat to tell n wat not to tell...

kla.. i need to smoke... den i shall try to sleep.... take care guys... take gd care of ya'll health n ur rship..... tag me bout da pic at da bottom k...

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

dis is da second piece of collage dat i jus made.. da theme is "Look Away"

argh!!!

2007-04-24T17:37:00.000+08:00

harloo2... go evening... n u noe wat??? my head is killing me!!!
argh!!! pening semcm sak... go doc jus nw n was told to hav tension headache...
too much thinkin nyer psl...

wat hav i been tinkin?? haiz... i guess i tink too much bout hidayah.. i wan to forget bout her but i simply cant... to be honest, seriously, i dreamt of her everynite... no matter if its bout my family or wat so eva.. her face wud appear... n da way she treat me is jus fine.... jus like da old her... i really miss da old her.... she was completely diff now... she was so calm, loving n sincere in da past.. but now, she's rowdy, rebelious n rough.... my hidayah, where r u....

i help people to settle in their rship.. like shereen n aidil... aidil hav been msgin n stuffs wit hidayah dat shereen didn noe... i felt sorry for her till i told her everythin... she was damn hurt till she cried...
to dsturb in someone else rship but cmon... so, since im da fire starter in all dis, i end it by talkin settling da prob... everybody was hurt... hid n aidil deceide nt to contact wit each other at dat point of time.. nw i dunno.. bt i oready talk things out wit dil on da pone ystrdae n apologise to him... shereen was cool today.. but den i noe deep dwn in her, she was hurt.. i help to settle between da two grls... n i guess they r ok with everythin... but da thing i wonder, r they ok with me?? im da one who starts it all... guy, if ur readin dis, do forgive me... i had to do wat i had to do... i had somthin in mind to tell to hidayah on our one year but we jus did not make it.. so in replace, i told reen to tell aidil dis.. n i wish aidil wud feel da same way too....

dis is wat i said, " promise to each other, now we r one yr wit each other... i wan us to be sincere wit each other frm now on... no hiding things frm each other n all.... if we both gt probs, we shall talk to each other n settle it properly.. if u wan to msg2 ngn ur fren especially grls, do tell me bfore org lain smpi kn kt i or i get to noe myself...."

it hurt me writing this to reen cos this is wat i wan hidayah to noe.. but instead... no... haiz... to aidil.. shereen really wan u to noe dis.. take gd care of her aight... n happy advance one year annivesary to each other frm me...

i guess i jus stop here cos my headache is coming up... i cant tink too much... haiz... well take care guys... take good care of ur health n ur rship.......

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

im sick!!!

2007-04-24T10:05:00.000+08:00

mornin2... haiyoo... im sick seh... had fever jus nw, but skr enta temp da turon...
skr cume batok2 jek... selseme pon da hilang...

goin poly ltr... terpakse kene mintk m.c klau tk tkle amek exam... nari i gt social studies exam.. tk blaja seh.. mlz n tk kuase... deres jus to many things goin n in my mind rite nw... its hard for me to think n study...

i wonder, wats with grls n pen knife... y do they love to do stupid things n den put da blame on guys sayin tat its their mistake dat they do all dat... y must it always be da guys fault i wonder... haiz.... nvm.. wateva it is, i love her always...

kla.. i wan to bath uh... take care n take good care of ya'll health.. haha...

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

lots of love....

2007-04-20T16:25:00.000+08:00

harloo2.. im so bored n still hurt...
deres jus no one to turn to.... i love her very much n always turn to her for everythin...
y must dis always happen between us??

todays fine.. but so bored uh... no mood to go out.. feelin tired...
my psp is frm her.. i borrowed her cos i noe shes doin her art n need music... i tot shes stayin at school straight but den she went hm.. i dunno where she wen aft dat cos she wan to do her art.. she say she goin back to schl.. i dunno whether or not to blive.. i do care for her but my psp is with her.. i dun wan any other people to touch it except herself... i jus hope its in good condition...

even though we're off, y mus she still be secretive with me... she dun wan me to talk to her, bother her n all dat... haiz... hope my plans to go out with her will be a success 2moro.. i wan to make it as a final outin between us since she dun wan me to talk or even bother her again... jus hoppin dere will nt be any attitude between us.. i jus really love her.... argh!!!!

okok... i wan to smoke.. dats da only thing dat can cool me dwn... aft dat i wan to sleep.. den hopefully to wake up on time cos need to go to cik mah house to fixed her comp... guy n gals, if ur comp ade sort2 ke pape ke, do inform me ok.. i shall try to help as much as i can.. im an i.t whizz.. dun be shy as im a sort off computer geek.. haha... okok... do take care guy `n' gals... take care of ur love one....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

im so hurt.....

2007-04-19T21:59:00.000+08:00

harloo2....
haiz.. to be honest.. im in a no mood situation... rite now....
im so fuck up... haiz... da grl dat i love dump me again... haiz...

y must dis always happen in mylife... what wrong did i do...
i noe la midyear nk dkt but dat mus nt be da reason pe... i dunno if she is cheatin on me or wat but seriously... im feelin so depressed... jus y!!!! ouh god... plz forgive me for wat i hav sin but u cant take wat i really love away from me... i love her!! y mus da decision be so sudden... y must it always does... jus y!!!

ouh hidayah.. if ur readin dis... i really love u with all my heart... i noe i hav been a such a bad guy for hurtin u many times but this shud nt be da decision u hav to me.. i noe u need some space.. y cant u jus tell me... im willing to give it to u... y cant u tell me eye to eye dat u wan to break so i noe hw much im hurt n hw much ur hurt... plz forgive me... i shall keep my promise to u dat i will study hard n strive high for all my exams... but i jus neet u by my side... i cant leave wtout u... ibu even feel sorry for me but all da decision lies in ur hands... she cant help u with it...
i got no one to rely on from nw on as ur gone... no one to talk to everynite, no one to share my probs.. jus no one... ur da only one whose dere for me... but y mus u leave me...

i cant stop fuckin cryin writin dis blog... i sorry to u guys who read my blog for me bein so emo... dis is da only place i cant let all my feelins out... i guess till here... i cant continue... haiz....
for those who r attach, all i can say is that take good care of ur relationship.. dun abuse it... well.. jus take care u guys....

*~=BoY_BaDdY=~*

here is a photo dat i create jus now wen im feelin bored n hurt....

i dunno wat to do...

2007-04-04T00:52:00.000+08:00

haiz... im so fuck up sak... she choose to leave me... she dun wan me to msg
or talk or easy to say, bother her again... what am i suppose to do... ouh god....

"di malam ini, ku merinduimu..
ku tidak tahu mengapakah begini..
ku pohon maaf atas kesalahanku.. didalam perhubungan kita...

tapi malangnya nasib diriku..
terluka berkali kali oleh insan yang ku sayangi di dalam diriku....
mengapakah bergini perhubungan kita, maafkn aku jikalau ku bersalah..

oh dayah, dikau yang ku cinta,
ku tahu kau menyayangi diriku,
di dalam perhubungan kita.. janganla kau tgl kn ku..."

dis is somthin dat i wrote... got help frm huda skit...
take care.....

~=BoY_BaDdY=~

not again....

2007-04-02T16:16:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo korang2 sume... lame aku tk blog... haiz...
my life is turnin upside down rite noe n its hurtin me... i dun wan it to affect my life...

okok... i dunno wat goin on rite now... im losing da person i love again... i noe its all my fault but cant u juz giv me a final chance n i shall really make up for it.. cant u??
i noe its hard but im rally making up for everythin all now... plz giv me a chance baby... plz...
im fuckin cryin rite now aft listenin a song by her called "gallery"... it really reminds me of her very much... i really love her ok...

"baby, if ur gone, who am i to turn to?? i hav no one else bsides u.. who am i goin to love rather then u?? who can i fight wih all da time n bein joyful at da same time wtout u aroun with me by my side... plz forgive me baby for all i have sin... plz dun leave me again... i really beg u plz.... i raelly love u.. deres no one to love me n take care of me wen ur gone... im nt turnin to someone else bsides u... ur my one n only angel... plz do forgive me... im really sorry... plz accept me back as urs... plz baby plz.... lots of love, SIRAJ...."

~=BoY_BaDdY=~

so tired.....

2007-03-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo.... im so very tired seh... had a tough day at school... ade class sume... haiyoo... mcm nk pecah otak aku... now dun hav much time to blog sgt ah.. midyear exam comin very soon... have to study hard n pay attention in class...

okok.. about today.. i slept in class for math lesson... was paying attention for da first 15 mins n juz sleep for da nxt 45 mins... hahaha... da nxt thing i noe wen i woke up,"eh??? class da bis???"... hahahaha.... klaka seh... peeps in class laugh at me aft seein da reaction on my face wen i said dat... den aft dat is phy lesson.. slept only awhile wen shahida woke me up... den i juz stay up for da whole lesson ah....

abe aft school ade phy class lgi... only about 1/4 of da class showed up includin myself... rabak seh... ade yg ckp nk blaja btol2 la tu la ni la.. tpi during class main2, tk attend extra lesson sume... mlz nk blaja la... haiz... for those who read dis, no offence eh... im juz statin da fact... i too join them with their crazyness wen i found da class is boring n all... okok... den aft da class, mase nk alik... ANWAR call me up.. dier ajk pegi penin... so i brought HIDAYAH along with me ah... lgi pon kite da lame tk klua ngn ANWAR... we suppose to meet at 4.30 but den, janji melayu la kate kn, im late.. hahaha... i went out at 5 n took cab to HIDAYAH's place becos i told anwar to meet at her place as im fetchin her too...
so we reach penin aroun 6+... den aft penin, we went to raffle's city as we hav no place to go... so we window shop dere... tau2 kite nmpk a fashin show thingy dere.. it starts at 7 wen my watch point at 6.45... so kite jln2.. g kdai billabong n roxy sume... den i tend to buy dougnut tau but den da line is panjang gilerbabi sak!!!! terpakse jln... den its lik 7.05 like dat we went up to lvl 3 to get a better view of da fashion show... tau2 da show tk start... enta janji ape tah aku pon tk tau... it start at aroun 7.20 gtu... so we watch it... cool seh... model2 dier sume cute2... abe tau2 ANWAR bobal ngn bdk laki australia ni... kekek sak... abe pastu anwar nk step bobal sleng... hahaha... abe drg bobal2 ah.. da boy n his mate came to singapore on a golf tour... so.. fhm2 je la org2 main golf ni sume... msti ade tour nyer.... so aft da show, which ends aroun 7.35 gtu, we went to bdok int to buy shushi... aft dat we went home... i suppose to go ngaji at 8.30 tau.. den kes anta HIDAYAH, smpi ruma dier at 8.45... so terpakse cancel niat tu... but den nvm... atleast i get to go out... den i reach hm aroun 9.15 gtu... okla...

da ah... pnat san jari2 aku ni type panjang2... i wan to sleep ah... ok... take care ah krg2 yg membace ni.. ok... bye!!!
~=BoY_BaDdY=~

my fault again.....

2007-03-24T17:37:00.000+08:00

its my mistake again for postin wat i want.... read da tag SHE send me?? haiz... nvm.. i admit its all my mistake... tkya nk ckp pape... mmg sume sala aku.... shes da one who is always correct in everythin even it broke my heart... no comments... mmg sume aku je... aku inmatured la tu la ni la... mmg sume aku je... ape lgi??? haiz....

i tot by sleepin can cool me n get my tension off frm all dis fight... but instead, its becoming much more worst... im da one who is at fault... i wonder juz y cant she giv in... atleast i give in... i show dat i care by msgin her n callin her sayin im sorry... but deres jus no respond.. da respond ive received is jus "i dunwan to talk okie"... is dat acceptable??? no sorry or love u?? haiz....
nvm la.... its ok... guess wat.. i received a msg frm her... n its my fault again... haiz... nvm la... i forgive her.... even though it hurts me alot... hiaz... baby, im really sorry ok... i noe its my mistake for postin all this, but its my blog.. plz undrstan.. dis is da onli place i can let all my stress out.. so.. tlg la jgn gini... i tau i asyik mara2 u je is becos i syg kn u... plz undrstan skit... haiz..
im truly sorry ok my dear princess... pls forgive me...

well i guess till here only right... im nt in da mood to write further...
~=BoY_BaDdY=~

fuck i care!!!

2007-03-24T12:03:00.000+08:00

haiyoyoyo.... juz came back from havin breakfast with HER... i dunnoe la... its like msti kene gado sa... its like wat da fuck rite... haiyo.... ape ape aku uat msti sala.. tu la, ni la... aku childish la...
sume sala aku pe... klau aku tegur asyik sala aku, nnt dier plak yg majok... ape sala aku ni?? ape aku buat smpi msti kene gini.... haiz... ape ape aku uat, msti sala nyer... tk perna btol pade dier... but den, bile dier msg org lain blakang aku... tk tau nk blang sume pon sala aku... sebab aku check hp dier n scold her for msgin other guys... sala ke da guy teguh dier nyer grl for msgin other guys?? its like wat da fuck right... den wats da use of havin a guy anyway... n to HER opinion, friends always come first rather HER own guy??!! snang2 ckp, matae dier sndri, dier treat like kwn.. haiz... da ah... cant go any further ah with dis post... till here ah...
~=BoY_BaDdY=~

class photo!!!!!

2007-03-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo.... guess wat?? i was recently update of da recent class photo...
nad post it on her blog{enta mane dier copyright dari pon aku tk tau} n told me if i wan to view it... so i did... muke aku kekek sak...
my face look really diff compare to da previous years all.. hahahahaha... hidayah even told me that my face look diff from all da class photo i had.... she said that in this
year's photo, my face look much more better... happy siot aku dier ckp gtu... tpi tk smpi kembang semangkok ah... ahahahaha.... u guys want a glimpse of it??? okok... ltr k...

okok... today was okla.... skip np for da first time ever since i was a NCO sak!!!
happy sak.... tpi ade menyesal jgk ah sebab tk dpt marah2 orang... hahaha... nnt confrm hidayah i wan to meet someone dat i cant mention here!!! hahaha.... okla...
i wan to wrap it here ah... damn tired ah... goin to have breakfast with her tomoro mornin...
hope she keeps to her word n not do da same thing like wat she did da other day which
makes me really pissed off...
okok la... u guys wan to look at da pictures rite... ok go ahead.... bye!!!

this is da formal photo of our class... my face look weird rite???

this is da first informal pic of our class... cool huh with all da shades thingy.. my face look as if i want to "WOK" orang like dat.. hahahaha....

this is da second informal pic of our class... from my opinion right, this pic is much more cooler than da first nyer... i dunno why but it juz seems cooler right?? hahaha... i look like sir stamfort raffles.. ahahahaha no offence arwahnyer... hehehehe.....

~=BoY_BaDdY=~

im sick!!!

2007-03-22T13:28:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo.... haiyoo... im sick ler... mish school for two days.. althought i enjoy it but den merane seh sebab tkle klua n den cannot enjoy nice nice food!! im havin fever n a bloddy foodpoisonin which made me went in n out of da bath room lots of time... haiyoyo... actually im suppose to sleep nw becos i juz took my medication... but den decide to blog first juz in case u guy wonder y i didn went to school or blog ysterday... IM BLODDY SICK!!!

okok... nad tag me if i want to view da recent class photo, drop by her blog n view it, so i view it dis mornin... i was really shock to see my face!! da formal photo, i look as if im a nerd while da first informal photo {there is two informal photo.. like duh!!}, i look as if i wan to WOK sumone.. haha... damn funny seh... nw im waitin to see my npcc group photo... bcos wen we were about to take da photo, i was really mad with da flat top cameraman... his crew mate told me to sit down.. den suddenly he told me to stand n grab my arm as if its a piece of sausage... aft i stand, his crew mate scold me y m i standin wen she ask me to sit dwn... i was damn bloddy pissed off seriously.. i purposely dun wan to create trouble as my juniors were dere to take group photo too...

at 5 am dis mornin, hidayah msg me n told me dat she miss me... of course la i miss her too seh... didn get to meet her ysterdae n today...ysterdae i had a very high fever n cant go out as im as if in a diff world... today i cant meet her too... she hav a bloddy dance practise which i didn noe wat time till wat time... i hate her goin for all dis practises but den i like it wen she dance... pelik kn.. hahaha.... okok... i tink i had enough bloggin here... i wan to sleep ah... my head is startin to
spin... da mabok semcm da... okok.... take care ah krg2 sume... eat wisely n try not to get food poisonin as it will ruin ur life n day... seriously... okok...
~=BoY_BaDdY=~

im in school la giler!!

2007-03-20T11:23:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo..... guess wat people?? im in school!! haha... me n some of my mates drop our subj which is d"n"t.. so we hav the opportunity to go anywhere we want to... so we choose to stay in da comp lab which is more cooler n can use da comp for like 1 1/2 hrs straight!!.. i noe is cool rite... okok.... i noe all of u guys kept on tellin me to update my blog.. so im updatin it now... supposely, me, mamat n haris was suppose to take our chem test which was like long overdue durin our free period which is now.. but den all of us were damn lazy n were much more interested on our own business with da comp .. so... yayaya.... huda was damn bloddy pissed of.. i told her to get us da chem paper, but den we were all lazy to do it... hahahahahaha... ksian kwn aku tu.... enta la eh... me do not hav any plans today... so borin... aft school i will like straight away head hm n rest... goin to fetch hidayah at 4... my bloody ciggaretes is with her.. she is controlin me for smokin... but i cant really blame her ah... im da one who tole her to control me... hahaha... so stupid of me... im like tryin my best to quit but den i kept on wonderin da taste n da feelin of wen im smokin... tell me hw m i suppose to quit wen im havin those thoughts.. haiyoo.... so darn tired seh... nt enough sleep... i wish ltr hav assembly... atleast can rest... okla... till here onli... mlz ah nk tulis panjang2..!!! okok... will try to post again wen i get back if onli im nt lazy ah... okok.... take care!!!

~=BoY_BaDdY=~

im tired..

2007-03-18T22:32:00.000+08:00

harloo harloo.... im fellin so bored n tired... tryin to finish up all my homework.. i noe its last minute btden need to enjoy my holidays too rite so undrstan undrstood skit ah... bt den da holidays dun feel like holiday.... ade np la, class la... haiyo... so tired... i hav nice nap juz now between 7 to 9 aft i bath and all aft cmonig back frm abg yan's wedding... da wedding was a success... well... ni je ah... mlz ah nk tulis panjang2... wan to finish up my work.... take care guys n gals...
~=BoY_BaDdY=~

sorry...

2007-03-18T10:51:00.001+08:00

harloo harloo.... sorry for da late updates guys... im very busy with my sutff at achool n other family stuffs ah... lgi pon my comp ade skit sort ah... dulu monitor bole pki bt cpu cannot.. nw cpu bole pki n monitor cannot.. i hav to steal my dad's monitor in order to use my comp... so sorry aight... now im getting ready to go abg yan's wedding... i voluntered to be a kendarat.. harap2 la dpt upah eh... hehehe... okok la... i try to update again later wen i came back frm da wedding ok... take care....

~=BoY_BaDdY=~

first post on me own...

2007-03-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

well well well... this is my first post on this blog...
its still under construction ah... haven yet finish editin..
well whoever enter, make sure u tag n link me up aight..
well till here only... will publish another soon...
~=BoY_BaDdY=~

layout done!!

2007-03-07T00:03:00.000+08:00

ok. ive done your layout for u. now START blogging!!

luv,
KAKAK!

first post

2007-02-27T23:40:00.001+08:00

this is jus to test!!